Lost Scrubs
by Larbo
Summary: Dramedy crossover between the two shows. Sacred Heart's finest board the wrong flight back from an Australian medical conference and must cope with life on the island...how will they change the course of Season 1?
1. Chapter 1

Lost Scrubs

Act 1, Scene 1

_We open on the plane, with everyone boarding. Hurley rushes past Walt and grins, Walt grins back. Jack is stowing his luggage in the overhead compartment. He catches Locke's eyes. They nod to each other in greeting._

_We move up the plane, about three or four rows behind Locke, and there we encounter JD, Turk and Carla. JD is struggling with a packet of airplane peanuts._

TURK: Dude, how did you even _get _those? We haven't taken off yet.

_JD raises a finger in an 'ah ha!' way and produces a small bag, which he unzips to reveal bag after bag of airplane peanuts._

CARLA: Oh my God…

JD: (_proudly_)I like to keep my nuts with me at all times.

_A hand appears over the back of his seat. JD sighs and high-fives it. We hear the usual sound effect._

JD: Todd, I thought you were afraid of flying.

_We pan backwards to the next row. The Todd is sitting with his legs clutched into his chest. _

TODD: High…high…too high…

TURK: Todd man, we haven't taken off. Besides, aircraft travel is the safest mode of transportation in the _world_. Nothing's gonna happen.

_We pan across from Todd. Ted is sitting beside him._

TED: We're all doomed.

CARLA: Ted, c'mon. Turk's right. Plane travel _is_ safe.

TED: We're on a plane?

_A bag is thrust into the overhead compartment above them. The gang look up to see Dr. Cox wearing his usual just-about-to-blow expression. _

JD: (_voice-over_) Dr. Cox was kinda mad that the medical conference made him miss his son Jack's second birthday.

_We cut to Sacred Heart Hospital and Dr. Kelso delivering the news to Dr. Cox (no dialogue). Dr. Cox pauses for a long moment and then-_

_We cut to outside Sacred Heart, as all the windows in the hospital explode outwards simultaneously._

_End-of-fantasy flash back to the plane. Everyone watches Dr. Cox as he takes a look around at the plane, curls his lip in disgust, and sits down beside Ted and Todd. Only now does he appear to register who his seating companions are. Another look of absolute contempt escapes him, before he appears to shrug it off, and finally he lays his head back on the seat and closes his eyes._

JD: (_whispers, to Turk and Carla_) Whoah. For a minute there I thought he was gonna-

_He trails off and looks up. Dr. Cox's head is directly above him, eyes wide, teeth bared._

JD: (_terrified_) Uh…hey, Perry. Looking forward to the flight?

_Turk and Carla wince at the unwise use of 'Perry'._

DR. COX: Well gee whiz Sally let's see. When I was just a little nipper I composed a special fairyland wish list of things I have to do before I please God shuffle off this mortal coil and right up there at the top was _spend fourteen hours on a plane with the shallow end of the human gene pool_, so yes Newbie, I'm tremendously thrilled at the prospect of this flight but here's the only thing – if I have to sit here and listen to you rustle open each and every damn one of those bags of peanuts like I know you're just _dying _to do I will rejoice in performing some not quite necessary in-flight surgery on your spleen. Do I make myself just peachy crystal clear?

TODD: (_retches_)Todd gonna blow…

DR. COX: Use this.

TED: Not my bush hat…!

_Noisy sounds of the Todd evacuating his stomach. Ted looks on sadly. Everyone else looks a little nauseated themselves, except for Dr. Cox, who simply reclines back in his seat again._

DR. COX: I have fourteen hours to visualise Bob Kelso's grisly demise and as we all know that's not _nearly _long enough to devote to that particular topic, so please, don't break my concentration. Let's just get through this damn flight with no drama…

_Everyone seems to accept this. JD sadly zips up his bag of peanuts, settles back in his seat and affixes the standard-issue plane headphones. We hear a Spanish voice begin to warble and JD's eyes close._

JD: (_voice-over_) Looks like it's just you and me now, Julio Iglesias…

Act 1, Scene 2

_The world swims into focus for us, and we find ourselves looking up at treetops and an azure sky. _

JD: (_voice-over_) I'm dreaming...I'm having a waking dream. But there's something missing…

_A blurred figure appears above us. As we slowly focus in, it's revealed to be Julio Iglesias._

JULIO: _Senor _Dorian, the crowd are baying for you. I don't know how much longer I can hold them with my Spanish rhythms!

JD: (_voice-over, relieved_) Ahh, there it is.

_End-of-fantasy flash to a closed eye. It opens. It belongs to JD. We pull back slowly to see his face, and his hand as he rubs his bruised temple. There's a cut on his left cheek. He touches the blood and looks confused, before getting unsteadily to his feet._

_He's standing in a small clearing in a forest, grass rising to his knees. There are sounds in the distance. _

JD: Hello? What happened? Turk? Carla? Dr. Cox?

_He begins to move toward the sounds, slowly at first, but with increasing speed, until he's in a flat-out run through the trees, until…_

JD / JACK: _Whooaf! _

…_he and Jack collide in mid-run, thumping to the forest floor. JD gets up woozily for the second time in as many minutes._

JD: Who are you?

JACK: Who are _you_?

_The sounds in the distance are much closer now, and one is unmistakably a woman screaming, over and over again. JD and Jack exchange a look and then begin to run again. _

JD: (_voice-over_) I didn't know where I was, why I was here, or where I was running to…I only knew one thing: that people needed help. (_pause_) and that whoever he was, he ran as gracefully as an ocelot…

_They burst from the trees and emerge onto the beach, and we pan around their faces as both men take in the scene of chaos and carnage. Both stand speechless for a few seconds, until –_

DR. COX: Newbie, get your ass over here! _Now!_

_Cox is kneeling between two prone figures. JD tumbles over to join him. _

DR. COX: Guy on my left just stopped breathing. Girl on my right has severe internal bleeding and a punctured lung.

JD: Got it.

_He begins artificial respiration on the man._

JACK: I'm a doctor too.

DR. COX: These two won't be the only ones. Go.

_Jack nods and moves off. We follow him as he runs across the beach, past the still-working engine as its ominous whine builds up and dies off repeatedly. We see Todd and Turk working on another body, and Carla tending to the very pregnant Claire. _

CARLA: Honey, you've got to move.

CLAIRE: I can't! I…the baby…if I move the baby could be at risk…

CARLA: Listen, I'm a nurse and normally you're right I wouldn't ask you to, but it's just that I don't want that big bit of airplane hanging above our heads to fall on us. Being horribly crushed into a pulp can sometimes put a pregnancy at risk too.

_Claire looks up and sees the huge bit of fuselage swinging and creaking, ready to drop. She struggles to her feet, Carla supporting her._

CARLA: Attagirl.

_There's a shouting from nearby. A man, dazed, is walking right in front of the still-active engine._

JACK: _Stop!_

_Jack sprints to him and knocks him aside an instant before the powerful suction of the engine would have pulled him to his death. _

TED: (_muffled, beneath him)_ Oh thanks. Thanks a _lot_…

_Another dazed man walks toward the engine. This time there's nothing Jack can do but scream a warning before it's too late – the man is sucked to oblivion and the engine explodes in a massive fireball arcing over the beach, sending everyone not already on the ground tumbling._

_JD and Cox are the first we see to look up. JD seems stunned._

DR. COX: Hey (_whistles_) snap out of it, Sue Ellen! We're still sucking air but there's a guy right next to you who definitely _won't _be unless you quit the guppy fish impressions and get back to work!

_It works. JD resumes the artificial respiration._

JD: (_voice-over_) Even at times like this, Dr. Cox found the strength to rise above it and think of others.

_We pan over to Dr. Cox as he works feverishly to stabilise the girl. There's a flash and we're transported to his son's birthday party, with Dr. Cox helping him blow out the candles. He grins with pride as little Jack manages it._

_End-of-fantasy flash. We can see the pain in Cox's eyes._

JD: (_voice-over_) How does he separate himself like that…?


	2. Chapter 2

Act 1, Scene 3

_A little later. Close-up on Jack's face. He winces. We move around to see the Todd behind him with a needle and thread._

TODD: Sorry dude. Doing the best I can.

JACK: Just try to keep the needle steady.

TODD: Sure thing big dog. High-five oath on it?

_He raises his hand eagerly. The needle and thread hang from his fingers._

JACK: (_doubtfully_) Which hospital did you say you were a surgical resident at, again?

_Kate emerges from the wilderness. We see the Todd looking at her and see her as he sees her, doing everything in slow motion, flicking her hair out, running her tongue over her lips sensually, beckoning to him._

JACK: Todd, the needle's kinda poking into me.

TODD: That's not…uh, sure…sorry…

_He shifts position slightly._

JACK: Are you OK?

KATE: I don't…I guess so. You OK?

JACK: Feel like a work-in-progress quilt, but pretty much.

_They stare at each other for a long moment. The Todd pokes his head over Jack's shoulder._

TODD: Um, I'm okay too?

JACK: Do me a favour. Make an inventory of any medicine you find in the stuff washed up on the beach, will you? Try and gather it together.

KATE: I, uh, I think that's being done already.

JACK: By who?

Act 1, Scene 4

_Back amongst the wreckage, Dr. Cox is facing down Sawyer whilst JD and Turk watch, concerned. A group of survivors, including Hurley and Charlie, are also present as observers._

SAWYER: And just who came along and gave _you _the God-given right to claim whatever in hell you please as yours, huh Curly? Larry and Moe here?

JD: (_voice-over_) I kinda hoped I was Moe.

DR. COX: Listen up, fishcake, and listen good; unless by some miracle you happen to be a senior doctor at a big hospital oooh, I don't know, in Hair Gel County, then you will stand there and you will damn well _watch _as I stroll by and take whatever I need to. My God man people are dying around us and you're pissed because I stole the stuff you stole?

HURLEY: Yeah dude, it's not like the stuff is yours.

DR. COX: Thank you, StayPuft. Now if – it's – not- _too much _– trouble for you all, can I get back to trying to save some of your worthless hides?

SAWYER: This ain't over.

DR. COX: I hope so too.

_Sawyer stalks off. Charlie is hanging around the pile of drugs they're accumulating. Turk notices this._

TURK: Do you need something? Are you sick?

CHARLIE: Sick? Me? No (_swallows_) not sick…well, getting the old "oh God we've just crashed on a tropical island and we're all gonna die" flu, but otherwise…fine.

TURK: Man, we're gonna be fine. There'll be a rescue plane, rescue boat or whatever out for us even now.

CHARLIE: You think so?

TURK: (_makes an 'are you serious?' noise_) You think Charles Turkington vanishes and the world just goes right on? No way. And the same goes for you…

CHARLIE: Charlie. Charlie Pace.

TURK: Nice to meet you.

CHARLIE: You've…my name doesn't seem at all familiar to you?

TURK: Should it?

CHARLIE: I was in a band a few years back.

_Turk looks blank._

CHARLIE: Driveshaft?

_Turk shrugs._

CHARLIE: (_sings_)_ You all everybody…_

TURK: Aahhhh…white music. I can help you out here. JD?

_JD wanders over and, seeing Turk with another guy, immediately tries to be cool._

JD: Whassup ma playas?

TURK: This here's Charlie Pace. From Driveshaft.

JD: OH MY GOD…

_We flash back to a younger JD trying desperately to look like a hard rocker (and failing…he looks like the Fonz with bulimia), standing in the midst of the audience at a Driveshaft concert. He struggles to the front of the crowd and screams up._

JD: CHARLIE! CHARLIE!

_End-of-fantasy flash._

JD: CHARLIE!

CHARLIE: (_frightened) _Yes?

JD: Awesome.

Act 1, Scene 5

_Sayid is walking amongst the survivors, trying to comfort those he encounters as best he can. He frowns as he sees Ted, who's sitting facing the beach with a blissful smile on his face._

SAYID: You don't seem too upset at our present situation, Mr…?

TED: I can't remember. Ted something.

SAYID: (_gently, kindly_) I think you might be in shock.

TED: Shock? No. It came to me. This is heaven. I don't have to go back to that hospital. To my job. To _him_…

SAYID: We're all feeling a little out of it, Ted. I think you should come over and join the rest of the group. Will you do that?

TED: Sure. Why not? I can do it, or I can decide…not to do it. (_giggles_) Did you hear that? What I said? And he can't hear me. He won't be able to pop up behind me. Not here. Not ever.

_Sayid looks sympathetically at Ted and helps him to his feet. _

SAYID: We'll get you some help.

_Ted gets to his feet and begins to walk with Sayid._

TED: And God bless us, every one.

SAYID: (_soothingly_) Easy now…

VOICE: You there!

_We see Ted react as if shot. Sayid turns around to face the newcomer, whom we still don't see, while Ted stands there. Sweat begins to pour from his brow._

SAYID: Yes? Can I help you?

VOICE: Help me? Gee let me think sport, what possible _help_ could I want, stranded on this stinking beach? Well for starters how about you tell me what exactly you were doing up there, hmm? Carry any bulky luggage with you?

SAYID: (_darkly, dangerously_)Just what is _that_ supposed to mean?

SAWYER: Man's got a point.

_Ted turns, slowly. He takes in the scene – Sayid, anger emanating from every pore, approaching Sawyer…and beside Sawyer, standing there glaring at him…_

TED: OHHHHH GODDDD NOOOOOOOO!

_He takes off at a run into the bushes. All three watch him go – Sayid, Sawyer, and Bob Kelso._

_Attracted by Ted's scream, Jack, Kate, Charlie, JD, Turk and Carla arrive on the scene. The latter three gasp when they see Kelso._

JD: Dr. Kelso? What are _you_ doing here?

KELSO: You people know my brother?

CARLA: Dr. Kelso has a twin brother?

JD: Dr. Kelso has an _identical _twin brother?

_Flash to Sacred Heart, where Nurse Laverne is sitting behind her desk when she suddenly presses her hand to her temple, as if receiving a transmission. When she speaks, it's in the creepy backward-speak of the kid from 'The Shining'._

LAVERNE: Olsek…Olsek niwt rehtrob!

PATIENT: The what now!

DOCTOR: Don't interrupt her! She's got the gift…

_End-of-fantasy flash._

_Ted is running through the woods, back to his old miserable self again. He pauses for breath and hears a loud growling and rustling noise from nearby. We hear a thunderous crash of foliage. _

TED: Take me! Take me!

_He runs off towards the source of the noise, arms outstretched._

Act 1, Scene 5

_JD is treating a leg injury. _

JD: (_voice-over_) Ted still hadn't returned from the jungle, and we were all kinda worried. Dr. Kelso's twin brother meanwhile was getting to know everyone.

_Dr. Cox turns around to face Kelso._

DR. COX: Dear God. You'd think they would just throw in a few bubbling pits of sulphuric acid and some fiery chasms of eternal pain and torment to make this place easier to recognise. So this is your humble home huh Bob? _Love _what you've done with it.

KELSO: I'm not Bob. I'm his twin brother. I _hate _Bob Kelso.

DR. COX: All that means to me is that you've _met_ Bob Kelso.

KELSO: He used to mention you on the rare occasions I could stand to be in the same time zone as him. Described you as a pathetic attention-seeking moron with such an offensive body odour that you never once needed to administer an anaesthetic to your patitents. (_sniffs_) Seems he exaggerated on _that _part.

DR. COX: Oh this is just too perfect. Out of something approaching giving a crap but still a ballpark away, why did you hate Bob?

KELSO: He was the favourite son. The goody-goody bigshot doctor who made Mom and Dad proud. He makes me sick.

DR. COX: And you chose what career, exactly? International arms dealer? Tobacco company executive?

KELSO: I teach elementary school.

DR. COX: May God have mercy on us all.

JD: (_voice-over_) I couldn't work out why people were bickering. This was a time for everyone to pull together, not for us to remember some petty differences.

_Michael comes running over._

MICHAEL: There's a guy buried underneath some wreckage! Come quick, he's still alive!

_Dr. Cox nods to JD and Turk and they move off to follow. In a pile of fuselage near the trees some people are helping to remove rubble._

DR. COX: Listen up, everyone…we appreciate your efforts but let us have a look.

JD: Yes, step aside good people!

_Dr. Cox glares at him. JD wilts._

JD: I was being commanding.

MICHAEL: We're trying to get him an airhole.

_Dr. Cox nods and beckons. He JD and Turk scramble up to where Michael points, up to where Sun is sitting holding a hand poking from the wreckage. Jin is beside her lifting bits of rubble. Cox motions for them to stand aside._

DR. COX: Can you hear me in there?

MAN: (_muffled_) Can you speak up? I'm a little buried.

JD: (_voice-over_) I never cease to wonder at our capacity for making jokes in the face of death.

_Dr. Cox is examining the rubble. Eventually he nods._

DR. COX: Give me a hand. We need to lift and remove, ensure his air supply doesn't run out.

_We move to the onlookers. Michael and Hurley are watching._

HURLEY: These guys are everywhere. I hope they know what they're doing, dude.

MICHAEL: They're doing the best they can. I think we're damn lucky to have them here.

JD: (_voice-over_) I really felt like Dr. Cox was impressed at the way I'd handled myself during this. His girl names for me were a lot less…girly.

DR. COX: Whaddaya say you put some backbone into it, Jamie?

JD: (_voice-over_, _excitedly_) That's also a boy's name! YES! I am in the ZONE!

_With one last heave the piece of rubble they're pulling on comes loose. They toss it aside and stare down into the hole. Revealed therein, curiously unbloodied and unbruised, is the Janitor. _

_There is a 'moment'._

JANITOR: You!

JD: Cover him up! Put it back! Put it back! Put it back!

_As he panics and screams, we go back to Michael and Hurley._

HURLEY: Yeah, dude. Real lucky…


	3. Chapter 3

Act 1, Scene 6

_That night. Everyone is sitting around a central campfire, trying to stay warm as the temperature drops on the beach. _

JD: (_voice-over_) It seemed like we had all just been so glad to survive the crash. It was only when night fell that people began to get a little scared. It was up to us to lead by example…

_We see JD approaching the prostrate figure of the Janitor, stretched out on towels on the beach._

JD: Hey. How you feelin?

JANITOR: Interesting question. Kinda like I fell out of a plane and landed in a tree, then fell out of the tree and had the plane land on me.

JD: Life, huh? Full of surprises.

_The Janitor raises an ominous eyebrow._

JD: I'd like to add at this point that I don't think what happened here can in any _possible _way be my fault.

JANITOR: …yeah. We need to talk about that.

JD: What's to talk about! Our plane went down! How could this _poss…_hey wait a minute, what were you doing on that plane anyway?

JANITOR: What, I can't fly because I'm a janitor, is that it? Oh I'm sorry sir, should I have tunnelled underground with the rest of the _rodents_?

JD: That's not what I…you know I meant…why do you always do this to me?

JANITOR: Oh I'm _so _sorry Mr I've-Got-The-Use-Of-My-Legs-And-Arms. Is the grumpy Janitor man being nasty to you? No good parking space for _him_.

_JD sighs, gives up and walks away. As we follow him we clearly see behind his back the supposedly paralyzed Janitor getting up, stretching himself luxuriously and then wandering off._

_Panning across the beach, we pause at Dr. Cox. He's putting the final touches to categorising and storing the medicine supplies. Jack is sitting nearby and assisting him in the task. A group of the other survivors sits close to the two men; the group includes Charlie, Hurley, Michael and Walt, Boone and Shannon. Locke sits somewhat apart, facing the beach in silence. Sun and Jin are likewise a little removed from the main group._

HURLEY: So what happens now?

_Everyone turns to look at Dr. Cox. He feels their gazes settle upon him and stares back._

DR. COX: It's called _night_. It usually lasts for about ooh, eight or nine hours. It happens when the Sun, which I'll indicate here on the sand with an X –

_Despite himself, Jack can't help but grin._

HURLEY: Dude you know what I mean.

SHANNON: Yeah. Just how long do we have to sit here on this stupid beach? What are we supposed to do?

DR. COX: _Weeeelllll _we _could_ put on a rousing music-hall production of _West Side Story _but then I'm afraid I'd have to begin the killings and well my psychiatrist is kinda newfangled in that he believes – silly really – that a balanced psyche cannot repeat _cannot _be made to accommodate the occasional murder spree.

CHARLIE: Your beside manner is excellent, you know that?

HURLEY: Yeah, man. Can you ever answer a question with anything but a rant?

JD: (_just arriving_) Well actually-

DR. COX: Sit down, Newbie.

_JD sits. _

DR. COX: Now listen up, everyone. I took charge today because people were dying and gosh darn it but it happens to be my job to do that but if you're looking for someone to step up to the bat and field your inane questions _every _second of _every _minute then you'd better look for some other sap because this doctor, ladies and gentlemen, is _out_.

_He rubs his hands together as if washing them, gets up and stalks down the beach. _

CHARLIE: Is he always like that? Is that why you're so afraid of him?

_JD waits with his mouth half-open, staring after Dr. Cox's retreating shadow, until he's judged that there's a safe enough distance between them._

JD: _Afraid_ of him? Pshaw…

SHANNON: So you're a doctor too?

_JD's demeanour immediately changes. He quirks his eyebrow and does the patented 'Mr Smooth' look._

JD: Twenty-four seven.

JACK: Wow, they pull long hours at your hospital.

JD: (_deflated somewhat by having to explain it_)Well, no, see I was being metaphorical. We…we use shift patterns.

JACK: I know.

JD: I _knew _you knew.

JACK: I'm a doctor too. We kinda met head-on earlier but I didn't get your name. Mine's Jack.

JD: John Dorian. JD.

_Everyone does introductions._

HURLEY: So…you two are doctors…the Honey Monster's a doctor…and there are two surgeons and one nurse?

JACK: Three surgeons. I'm a neurosurgeon.

HURLEY: Is that, like, normal for one plane to have so many doctors?

CHARLIE: What were you all doing in Australia?

_JD stares into the distance and we hear the familiar whooshing pre-flashback noise used so often on 'Lost'. The screen whites out._

_We fade back almost right away. We're still on JD on the beach._

JD: Conference.

EVERYONE: Oh.

JACK: Well I was…I was just there. Visting family.

_He casts his eyes down, avoiding further questioning on the issue._

WALT: I'm bored. This place is weird.

JD: Oh c'mon, are you kidding…we got our own beach, and a whole island to explore before we get rescued. I bet we find like pirate treasure and pyramids and there'll be little monkeys that we can tame and use as our servants-

_He stares into the distance again and we hear the flashback whoosh again. This time however when it hits we ARE transported – to JD lying in a hammock between two palm trees. He opens his mouth and a monkey tosses a peeled grape with perfect accuracy into it. JD looks satisfied and chews, before frowning._

JD: Seeds…?

_The monkey that threw the grape begins chittering wildly, but it's too late. Two other monkeys, bigger and burlier specimens, pick him up by the arms and lead him away as he chitters and gabbles for mercy. JD turns his head to watch him go, shaking it sadly in regret._

JD: How's the project coming along, fellas?

_We pan down to see ten monkeys typing feverishly at typewriters. One of them tears off the sheet it's working again and scrambles up to JD, holding it before him._

JD: (_reading_) 'Stop stealing fantasies from old _Simpsons _reruns'

_End-of-fantasy flash._

JD: Spelled 'episodes' wrong…hey, did anyone see Turk and Carla?

BOONE: The surgeon and the nurse? They went for a walk I think, a little into the forest.

JD: (_voice-over_) Ahhh those romantic fools.

_It's then that the forest comes alive…the roaring and stomping begins, and we see treetops bending and the sound of entire trees being forcefully uprooted. Everyone around the campfire scrambles to watch. _

JD: (_voice-over) _Oh no.


	4. Chapter 4

_N.B. thanks to everyone who's read this, reviews always welcome! And PLEASE check out my Spiderman 3 fanfic, if you're a Spidey fan (or even if you just liked the movies) I think you'll enjoy it._

Act 1, Scene 7

_A little earlier that night. Turk and Carla are strolling through the jungle, hand in hand. _

TURK: You did good today.

CARLA: So did you.

TURK: I love you, you know that?

CARLA: Mmm I love you too baby.

_They kiss._

TURK: Even in this crazy place, I'm glad we can still find somewhere t-

CARLA: Turk, I've been married to you for over a year now. I know what you're gonna say. _That _tree is too rough, _this_ grass is soaking wet and I am _not _having sex with you when anyone could sneak up and see us! And that includes you, Todd!

_Todd emerges nonchalantly from the nearby bushes._

TODD: (_off Turk's look_) What's up? Apart from the obvious, _mi amigo! _

TURK: And just what the hell are you doing?

TODD: Hiding & hoping for humping. Who's with me? Huh?

_A roar shakes the ground. In the distance we see a tree, then two trees, ripped from the roots up and flung aside. Immense stomping and growling noises follow. We zoom in on the three terrified faces._

TURK: (_faintly_) Dr. Cox is on the beach, right?

CARLA: Yes…

TURK: Should we…you know…run?

CARLA: Yeah. Yeah, we should.

TODD: RUN!

_They start running full-pelt through the forest, the unseen creature roaring and stomping its way towards them. A tree bark is shattered into splinters, the fragments raining down upon them. A shard of wood buries itself into Carla's ankle. _

TURK: Carla!

_He stops to tend to her. The Todd, running ahead, never even notices that Turk and Carla have vanished behind him. He disappears into the distance._

CARLA: Go. Just…go. Please.

TURK: You've been married to me for a year. You _know _what I'm gonna say to that.

_She manages a small smile at him. He inspects the wood splinter through her ankle and a frown of concern betrays him. It's too deep to pull out. _

_The roaring reaches a crescendo. Carla's hand finds Turk's. She squeezes. They both look fearfully toward the forest, awaiting the inevitable emergence of –_

TED: Hey. What up.

CARLA / TURK: Ted?

TURK: Ted, there's something behind you! Get _down! _

_Ted glances behind him unconcernedly, just as there's another enormous roar and immense growl. We see Ted's hair (such as it is) being blown back by the force of the bellow from the massive hidden monster. The ground shakes._

TED: Oh that's just Stompy. Bad Stompy. Go home now.

_The roaring begins again, but fades with each massive footfall that reverberates through the forest. _

_Ted turns back to Carla and Turk. They're looking at him open-mouthed._

TED: What? (_touches his hair_) It's my hair isn't it?

_As Turk's about to respond a group of others crashes through into the clearing, spearheaded by JD, Jack, Kate and Locke. Bringing up the rear are Sawyer and last of all, puffing and panting with the exertion, is Kelso's brother._

TED: AIIEEEE!

_He runs off again into the forest. Everyone watches him go. _

JD: You're…you're all right.

TURK: Carla's leg. Help me get her back to camp.

SAWYER: Now why in hell does that guy keep high-tailin' it every time he claps eyes on you?

KELSO: (_confused_) What guy?

JD: (_voice-over_) He really _is _his brother.

JACK: Help her back to camp. I'm going after him.

LOCKE: I'll come with you. I can track him.

TURK: Trust me both of you, he's fine. God knows how, but he's fine. Let's just get the hell back to camp.

_They move off, JD and Turk supporting the limping Carla. With one last puzzled look into the forest, Jack does likewise. Sawyer and Kelso follow._

_Locke, however, has other ideas. Waiting until the others are gone, he slips into the trees in the direction where Ted ran and is gone in an instant…_

Act 1, Scene 8

_Back at the campfire. Carla is sitting with her back resting against a piece of fuselage covered in a blanket whilst Turk examines her ankle._

HURLEY: What was that thing?

JD: (_voice-over_) It was the question everyone was asking. Me…I had my own thoughts.

_Flash to the beach, day. Everyone runs past the camera screaming. As we follow them we pause momentarily to see JD enjoying a romantic candlelit meal with Shannon, complete with table and chairs on the sand. _

JD: Didn't I promise you a _monstrously _good time?

SHANNON: (_giggles_) Oh you…

_We move on past the two to catch up once more with the runners, and in particular Dr. Cox, who's casting horrified glances back. A mighty roar flattens everyone near him and leaves him standing alone. A massive shadow falls upon him. He looks up._

DR. COX: For the last time, I'm _sorry _about the rubbing-whiskey-on-Jack's-gums thing!

_We see that the monster is in fact a seventy-foot tall version of Dr. Cox's ex-wife, Jordan Sullivan. She breathes fire casually through her mouth._

JORDAN: That's OK Perry. In fact I forgive you. But you know me being enormous might hamper our sex life a little.

DR. COX: Hey, it never bothered me when you were pregnant.

JORDAN: Nice. But I suppose I should be used to your size being an issue. Hmm…_unless…_

_Her huge hand comes down and envelops Dr. Cox until he's pointed like a torpedo. He's raised up into the air head first…_

DR. COX: _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!_

_End-of-fantasy flash. JD blinks and looks extremely disturbed._

JD: Anyone got any beer?

CHARLIE: First one to find the plane's alcohol supply gets voted King of the Island.

JD: I love you.

CHARLIE: What?

JD: I said _good idea._

JACK: Where's Cox?

HURLEY: Haven't seen him since he took off earlier.

_Dozing with his hat over his eyes, Sawyer lifts it off his face to respond to this._

SAWYER: Superdoc's over there by the rocks. Brooding.

JD: I'll…

TURK: Dude I need you here for a minute. Until Todd comes back. I have to try and remove this and stop the bleeding.

JACK: It's OK. I'll go.

_He gets off and trots down to where Cox is sitting. JD watches him go rather jealously._

JD: (_voice-over_) It just didn't seem right that someone else was going to talk to Dr. Cox. After all, _I _was the one seeking the father figure. What would Jack know about something like that?


	5. Chapter 5

Act 1, Scene 9

_Locke moves through the jungle, one of his three hundred knives in his hand. Every few seconds he bends down to peer at the ground, then straightens and renews his progress. He's tracking. Eventually he reaches a clearing and stops._

LOCKE: It's alright. I won't hurt you.

TED: Is he with you?

LOCKE: The man you're afraid of? No. Just me.

_Ted emerges from the trees, looking as forlorn and world-beaten as ever. _

LOCKE: Aren't you hungry?

TED: Am I?

LOCKE: Don't you know?

TED: What do you think?

_Locke tilts his head to look at Ted. Finally he smiles. _

LOCKE: I think you need to come back to camp.

TED: Is he there?

LOCKE: Yes. But there are others. You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to.

TED: (_miserably_) He'll find me. He always does.

LOCKE: I don't think he's the person you think he is. He's the brother of the man you fear.

TED: No, it's him. He's just saying that so he can get me.

_Locke considers his options for a moment, and then approaches Ted and sits down on a branch beside him. He motions with his hand to indicate the island around them._

LOCKE: This is a special place. Whatever…whatever anyone did to you before you came here, whoever you were, that's not who you have to be anymore. You can start over. Ask the island to help you. Ask it for something that you want. There must be something.

TED: Oblivion?

LOCKE: Something else?

TED: My bush hat.

_Locke smiles._

LOCKE: Look above you.

_Ted does so and lo and behold, his bust hat is suspended from vines no more than two feet above his head._

TED: My hat!

_He removes it from the vines and puts it on his head. There is a distinct squelching noise. We see Ted's happy expression freeze and then slowly melt back to misery. He had forgotten that this is the same hat used by the Todd as a deposit box for his air-sickness…_

TED: I have puke head.

_Locke removes the hat, sniffs it, and tosses it aside. He produces a water bottle and rinses Ted's head clean, then ties a piece of cloth around it. He then hands Ted a knife. We can see Ted looking at it in awe._

LOCKE: Now you're a hunter. Do you think you can kill?

TED: Oh yes…

LOCKE: Let me rephrase that. Do you think you can kill _boar_?

TED: I…could try.

LOCKE: Good. And then…then let's have a talk about your friend in the forest…

Act 1, Scene 10

_Waves lap gently against the shoreline. Dr. Cox sits on the sand, his fingers scrabbling restlessly for pebbles, which he then hurls into the waters. We see Jack approaching him._

DR. COX: Newbie, I don-

JACK: Wrong guess.

_He sits down beside the other doctor. They both take in the moonlit beach scene. There is a short pause._

DR. COX: I thought he was sure to…

JACK: He wanted to. But Carla – it's Carla, isn't it? – she's hurt.

DR. COX: Carla's hurt? I should-

_Jack stops him from getting up._

JACK: She's fine. Splinter in the ankle. Her husband's removing it now. He's a pretty good surgeon.

DR. COX: (_snorts_) He couldn't remove snow from a Yeti's ass with a blowtorch.

JACK: You don't really think that.

DR. COX: No, I actually have witnessed him try. There were Yeti witnesses present. We had the WWF up our asses for weeks. Of course I don't think that but if you _tell_ him I don't think that-

JACK: Relax. Your secret's safe.

DR. COX: You're a bigshot surgeon.

JACK: Is that a question?

DR. COX: I saw you working today on the beach. Ghandi and Repressed-Tendencies Boy are good and I remind you once again of the embargo upon mentioning that I said so but they're not in your league, I saw that earlier. You're gonna make a good leader.

JACK:Me? Lead? No. Besides I think the consensus from everyone has someone else in mind for leader…

DR. COX: Yeah well it's like I keep saying about democracy – it's a crock. I'm noisier than you sure and easier to notice – hell I've been working on _that _for enough years now so I'd like to think so – but lead? No thanks.

JACK: I don't want it. That's not why I came over here.

DR. COX: Why did you?

JACK: To ask why you did.

DR. COX: (_points out over the ocean_) You see somewhere in that direction? My son is asleep. He's two. It was his birthday today.

_Jack registers this. He nods._

JACK: I'm sorry.

DR. COX: I'm good at my job, Jack. I bounce around that damn hospital like a sanitised pinball healing as I go and whipping that bunch of losers back there on the beach into something _resembling _doctors if you don't look too close or ask awkward questions or mind if you get better and I can handle the times you lose and the patient just goes and dies on you because God knows you have to but I'm not a nice person. I'm not the gruff guy with the heart of gold. I'm just a jackass because hell, it's fun to be. And now…now it's come back to bite me in the ass.

JACK: I don't understand.

DR. COX: Don't you get it? This – this island – it's my reward. I finally found something I could love and boom – it's taken away from me.

JACK: The rescue planes…

DR. COX: …might come. And then they might not. And _that's _what you're going to have to get across to those people around the fire. Oh and while you're at it, you might wanna start thinking about what we're gonna eat once the airplane food runs out. And if you don't want us all coming down with _verrrry _interesting diseases, you might want to tell everyone it's time to break out the matches and have us a rootin' tootin' roast corpse hootenanny. That's just _sure_ to go down well with the friends and family.

_Jack is speechless. Dr. Cox stands up and pats him on the shoulder._

DR. COX: It's not cos I _couldn't _lead these people. I just don't _want _to. Like I said – jackass.

_He walks off, leaving Jack to stare out over the waters alone._

JACK: No arguments here.


	6. Chapter 6

Act 1, Scene 11

_A darkened room. We see the outline of a face, and as light plays through the cracks in the wooden planks which form the walls, we see the face belongs to the Todd. He moans as he comes to._

_TODD: No...no Hasselhoff, no..._

_A shadow moves in the darkness. Todd's eyes open. He takes in his surroundings and attempts to rise from where he is lying, but finds that his wrists are bound. As the light source increases, we see that he's lying on a metal mattress of sorts, tied securely by his wrists and ankles. He's also stripped to the waist._

TODD: (_delighted_) All _right_.

ROSSEAU: Sssh. Do not speak until I tell you to speak.

TODD: Let me see you, hot sadistic chick of mystery.

_She emerges from the darkness. The Todd looks her over and his lips purse slightly. He shrugs with a sort of a 'could be worse' expression on his face._

TODD: Okay, but you _are _a chick, right?

ROSSEAU: I told you not to speak!

_She reaches for a control and sends electricity arcing through the metal mattress. Todd screams in pain. She turns it off._

TODD: Whoah. Hey, would ya look at that.

_He glances downward. So does Rosseau. We don't see what she sees, but we see her eyebrows raise._

TODD: I know it looks like I'm smuggling kayaks baby, but it's all me. Now do you wanna shock me some more or are we gonna get to it?

ROSSEAU: 'Get to it'?

TODD: French too. Hey, I totally love the natural arm hair thing. Gives me something to hang onto, huh? Am I right?

_His right hand vibrates madly in its restraint. Todd frowns and seems slightly down for the first time._

TODD: Five denied.

ROSSEAU: How long have youbeen on the island?

TODD: About a day and a half.

ROSSEAU: Have you...been drinking a lot of sea water?

TODD: No. It's bad for your health. (_helpfully_) I'm a surgeon.

ROSSEAU: Sure you are.

TODD: Hey, this is kinda embarrassing but I'm a compulsive crotch-toucher, and if my hands are gonna be bound, which I admit is _hot_, well would you mind?

ROSSEAU: Where are the Others?

TODD: Up the beach a little.

ROSSEAU: You lie! There are no Others!

_She shocks him again. Some smoke rises from his body. When she releases him from the electricity he shakes his head vigorously but seems cheerful and quite unaffected._

ROSSEAU: You and I are going to get to know each other. Very well.

TODD: You mean...like a _relationship_?

ROSSEAU: (_mad smile_) Yes...

TODD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

_We pull back to Todd's scream as it echoes through Rosseau's camp._

Act 1, Scene 12

_A boar snuffles in its den. There is a noise from the bushes nearby, like a twig being stepped on. The boar jerks it head up and circles, making angry confrontational noises, challenging all comers. After a few seconds however with nothing forthcoming from the forest the boar downgrades its alarm._

_We move into the bushes. About forty feet from the boar, Locke and Ted are crouched, watching it. Ted wears his cloth bandana and twirls the knife Locke gave him between his fingers. It curves in a dizzying arc of skill. Locke notices this._

LOCKE: (_whispering_) Where did you learn to do that?

TED: I'm in a Barbershop Quartet.

_Locke absorbs this, seems about to question it, then thinks better of it and motions for Ted to remain silent as they begin to creep forward toward the boar._

LOCKE: We'll circle around. You attack from the south and startle the boar - lead it right to me. I'll do the rest.

TED: What are you going to do?

LOCKE: I'm going to slit its throat with the knife.

TED: Oh.

LOCKE: Is that a problem for you?

TED: I'm just...not good around blood.

LOCKE: I thought you worked in a hospital?

TED: (_miserably_)I'm just not good.

LOCKE: New start, remember. Now go.

_They're about to split when, from between them and likewise crouched down, the Janitor suddenly appears._

JANITOR: What we doin?

_Startled, Ted tries to get to his feet, half-succeeds, loses his balance and ends up tumbling down the small slope in front of them until he ends up crashing to a halt at the boar's den. We see him looking up into the mad, angry face of the boar as it squeals and prepares to charge._

LOCKE: (_running toward him_) Use the knife!

_The boar charges Ted. Faced with a severe gauging, Ted grips the handle of the knife tightly in his hand, gets to his feet...then turns tail and runs at top speed into the undergrowth, an enraged boar in hot pursuit._

TED: _Heeeeeeelp!_

_The Janitor, now standing, watches this with bemusement as Locke vanishes into the forest after Ted and the boar. _

JANITOR: Boar chasing, huh? Well, that was fun.

_Satisfied, he moves off in the direction of the beach._

Act 1, Scene 13

_The beach. JD is looking a little sorry for himself as he walks along the sand._

JD: (_voice-over_) With Todd and Ted missing, Turk looking after Carla, and Dr. Cox, well...making himself at home...

_Dr. Cox bursts through some nearby vines in exactly the same way as he once burst through hospital double doors. He whistles at the nearby Sun and Jin._

DR. COX: Hey! You two! Now I realise the inconvenient fact that none of you speak English means that neither of you two clowns have the slightest idea what the hell I'm saying at the moment but I can bet if I stand right there and jump up and down saying _move your ass and help _enough times then whoopee, you might actually get my drift and get my driftwood for me at the same damn time, so here goes - _move your ass and help_, _move your ass and help_, _move your ass and_...

_He continues this berating, jumping up and down in front of them. Jin looks as if he's deciding whether to attack him or not._

JIN: (_in Korean_) What does this crazy angry idiot want now?

SUN: (_in Korean_) I...I think he wants us to help him gather the wood. He pointed to it. We…we should help him.

JIN: (_in Korean_) We should look after ourselves.

_He turns away and physically turns her away too. Dr. Cox throws up his arms in disgust and turns, looking for the next victim._

DR. COX: You!

_We go back to JD watching him. _

JD: (_voice-over, sardonically_) I'm _so_ glad Dr. Cox didn't decide to be leader.

_We cut to Jack, surrounded by four or five very angry people._

JD: (_voice-over_) Although…there were some jobs even Dr. Cox didn't want.

JACK: I understand how you're feeling-

MAN: You _understand_? That is my _wife _lying there, you piece of sh-

KATE: (_arriving on the scene, places an arm on the man_) Hey. Let's calm down, all right?

MAN: Calm down? Is he telling _you _that you can't bury the person you were married to for twelve years? That you have to watch while she's thrown in a pile of bodies and burned?

JACK: Listen to me. I want you to be able to bury your wife. We all do. But this isn't some inner-city cemetery here. Anything we bury won't stay buried. You want to come along and find some boars are…

_He trails off, unable to say it._

MAN: …eating her? Is that it?

_He looks for a second as if he's about to strike Jack – Kate even steels herself to block the blow – but abruptly, as if punctured, he simply collapses to the sand and begins sobbing helplessly. He crawls on his hands and knees the twenty feet or so to where his dead wife lies on the sand and hugs her. Kate and Jack watch for a moment until Jack has to turn away._

_Dr. Cox catches his eye from further up on the beach. They exchange a long look, before Cox nods with grudging respect and moves on._

KATE: You want me to talk to him?

JACK: He doesn't need it. He knows now what has to be done.

KATE: You did…

JACK: Yeah. I'm a real hero.

_He makes to move off and she puts a hand on his shoulder. _

KATE: Are there others?

JACK: We've got eight bodies on the beach we can find. Only five relatives or friends of those bodies.

KATE: Would have been more but for you and them. You're doing a good job.

JACK: Maybe won't have to do it for long. We've got one guy with head trauma who still hasn't regained consciousness. Set him up a bed beside my "camp"…

KATE: (_freezes_) Head trauma?

JACK: Yeah. Weird thing is, didn't look like it happened in the impact. He had some injuries but Turk and Todd stabilised him. Guess that's one up. Good news is though he's a US Marshall. He should have some leadership qualities.

KATE: (_quietly_) Yeah. Uh, I promised Claire I'd find her some pillows for her back.

JACK: I think I saw…big guy, blond hair, foul mouth…

KATE: Ah. You've met Sawyer.

JACK: …Sawyer, yeah. Nice guy. He had some pillows. And some of everything else by the looks of it. You might wanna try him.

KATE: I will.

JACK: Want me to come with you?

KATE: I can handle Sawyer.

_She turns and moves off. As she does so her expression changes to one of sadness and resignation. She glances over at Jack's little encampment and sees the prone body of the US Marshall lying there, still unconscious but not long from wakefulness. For a second a terrible thought seems to pass through her mind, and then she dismisses it, sets her jaw in resolution and walks further down the beach._

_We go back up the beach a little way and rejoin JD. He flops to the sand beside Turk and Carla, displacing sand right into the path of their kiss. They separate and glare at him with an air of two people who've done this thousands of times before, and he ignores them blissfully with much the same air._

JD: A tropical island. We're like the _Dougie Howser Family Robinson_, you know?

TURK: Yeah, with added monsters for fun.

JD: Yeah what's up with that?

TURK: Tyrannosaurus. No question.

JD: Naaaah, the roar was all wrong. Allosaurus maybe.

CARLA: My God. Are you both professing to be experts on an animal that's been dead for sixty-five million years?

JD: Tell that to Dr. Alan Grant!

TURK: Amen!

CARLA: Can either of you focus? We're not on _Jurassic Park_. We're in a real place in the real world, so whatever that thing is, it's not a dinosaur. I'm a little more concerned with the lack of rescue.

_She moves and winces slightly at the pain in her ankle._

TURK: Baby, you OK?

CARLA: Yeah. Stupid thing. Look, I don't know much about planes but isn't the cockpit where they put all the communications equipment?

TURK: Yeah.

CARLA: So shouldn't we be looking for the cockpit? I mean if the plane broke up and scattered across the beach, shouldn't the cockpit be further into the island somewhere?

_JD and Turk regard each other with a 'how the hell did we not think of this' look_.

JD: Yeah…

CARLA: So unpark your butt from the sand Bambi and get a search party organised! Stat!

_Flash. JD is dressed in an army uniform. He scrambles to his feet and salutes so hard he practically dents his forehead._

JD: Yes ma'am!

_Carla's eyes widen in anger. She's a four star general._

CARLA: Yes _what_!

JD: YES GENERAL ESPINOSA, RIGHT AWAY GENERAL ESPINOSA!

CARLA: Attaboy, you miserable little maggot! Now GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!

_End-of-fantasy flash. JD is on his feet and jogging away up the beach and Turk is getting up to join him when Carla's hand wraps around his and pulls him back to the sand._

CARLA: And just _where _are you going?

TURK: But you said –

CARLA: You've got work to do right here, mister.

TURK: (_big silly I'm-getting-some grin_) Oh _really_…

CARLA: Yep. Starting with building a shelter. You think I'm lying here on this damn beach for another night? It was _freezing _last night, and we are going to have to work on your definition of "huddling for warmth"…

_Turk's smile dies on his face._

JD: (_voice-over_) Sometimes even when we seem lost, we can find something familiar that reminds us of home.

TURK: I love you, baby.

CARLA: Damn right you do.

JD: (_voice-over_) Whether it's the easy comfort of the person you love knowing exactly what they can get away with…

_We cut to Dr. Cox bossing people around. He shouts loudly into someone's face and they cower in fear, before scurrying back to work collecting driftwood. As they go we clearly see the satisfaction in Cox's face._

JD: (_voice-over_) …or reassuming that reassuring sense of authority and control…

_We cut to Kate, packing some water bottles into a shoulder bag. She stands up, on the fringe of the forest, and watches the various pockets of frantic activity going on all over the beach. Then she turns and is gone into the trees, swallowed in an instant._

JD: (_voice-over_)…or returning to an old way of life…

_We go back to JD. He's approaching the sunbathing figure of Shannon with a look of some trepidation on his face._

JD: (_voice-over_) …or having the courage to ask a pretty girl to come with you into a mysterious forest possibly containing man-eating dinosaurs.

_We see JD pause and frown at this last, before seeming to give up. He turns away and heads instead for a small group containing Charlie, Sayid, Hurley, Michael and Walt._

JD: Hey guys? You busy…?


	7. Chapter 7

Act 1, Scene 14

_A hilltop. First JD and then Sayid, Hurley, Charlie and Sawyer pass the camera._

JD: (_voice-over_) I guess it was pretty cool we were on this life-or-death expedition into the unknown to try to save everyone. But I wasn't letting myself get carried away.

_Flash. Same shot as before (everyone passing in front of the camera) except now we have a distinctly copyright-infringing Middle-Earth flavour to proceedings; it is, in fact, a shot-for-shot copy of the scene in 'The Fellowship of the Ring' where the Fellowship scale the hilltop in slow-motion. Sawyer is Aragorn, Hurley is Samwise, Sayid is Frodo, and JD makes an extremely over-the-top Gandalf the Grey, complete with flowing beard and wizarding staff. He stops atop the hillside._

JD / GANDALF: My wizard-sense is tingling, kinsfolk _playas._ I think we should rest here.

SAWYER / ARAGORN: (_in a heavily Texas-flavoured English accent_) Wise counsel, Mithrandir ol' boy. This here looks like a mighty apt place to rest our asses.

SAYID / FRODO: (_bitterly_)So who gets to carry the weapon of mass destruction? The Arab. Oh thank you _very _much. You'll be hearing from my attorney over this.

HURLEY / SAM: Hush, Mr Frodo dude. Your Sam's here. I won't leave your side. Unless you, you know, go nuts. In which case I am _outta _here.

_There is a pause. Everyone turns to look at Charlie, who is dressed as…Merry. He stands there for a long moment, looking down at himself._

CHARLIE / MERRY: Anyone else have _déjà vu…_?

_End-of-fantasy flash. JD is looking at Charlie._

CHARLIE: Look, I get it. You liked my band. Can you stop staring at me, please?

JD: No it was just that you look…um…you know what, doesn't even matter.

_The group pass through the forest. JD is regaling them with stories._

JD: …and this other time, Dr. Cox was like-

SAYID: Forgive me for interrupting, Doctor…

CHARLIE: (_obviously not wanting any more stories_)I'll forgive you.

HURLEY: Yeah man, we _all_ forgive you. Dude, is there a day goes past in your hospital where you don't learn some life lesson?

JD: (_hurt_) It's a special place.

SAYID: …if I may continue? _Thank _you. I don't wish to alarm anyone but I believe there's something quite close to us.

SAWYER: Ali's right. Over there. Large sonofabitch whatever it is.

JD: May…maybe it's another survivor.

SAWYER: (_darkly_)Yeah, and maybe it's the thing that _eats _survivors.

CHARLIE: Anyone vote for going back?

HURLEY: Motion seconded over here.

JD: C'mon guys we can't go back at the first…um, sign of a man-eating monster.

CHARLIE: We can't?

HURLEY: Seems to me like the _ideal _time to go back, dude.

CHARLIE: Sort of pre-empts the whole "eaten" stage.

SAWYER: Well now. I am just breathtaken by the bravery of my fellow adventurers. You boys go back if you want to. I'm gettin _off _this damn island.

_He moves forward a little, and as soon as he does so the distant presence in the trees roars, and with a series of thunderous crashes begins charging toward them._

CHARLIE: (_horrified_)Oh _bollocks_…

JD: Motion seconded…

_They're about to turn tail and flee when Sawyer produces a handgun he had secreted about himself and fires at the source of the oncoming noise. Again. And again. And again. _

_It bursts through into the clearing in which they're standing – a massive eight-foot tall polar bar, teeth bared, arms outstretched…_

_Another shot. The bear whuffs weakly and tumbles to the ground, crashing over itself in a tangle of arms and legs before coming to a motionless, boneless halt. _

SAWYER: (_whoops_) Alright! Sawyer 1, Island _zilch!_

JD: It's a bear.

CHARLIE: A big bear.

HURLEY: A big white bear.

SAYID: Where did you get the gun?

SAWYER: Got me a lot of things. Don't see I need a permission slip from you, _Daddy_.

SAYID: You had a gun and you hid it from us?

SAWYER: Damn right I did. Hey am I missing something or did I just save our asses from this…this…

JD: …polar bear.

SAWYER: …polar…yeah. (_pause_) _Polar _bear?

SAYID: It can't be. In the Pacific Ocean?

JD / CHARLIE / HURLEY: It's a polar bear.

_Sayid moves a little closer – cautiously – and gives the motionless giant a quick and disbelieving once-over before shaking his head in wonder._

SAYID: This is impossible.

HURLEY: Dude, big freakin' monsters stomping down trees are impossible. A polar bear in the Pacific is just _odd _compared to that.

JD: (_dramatically_) Guys…where _are _we?

_A hand drops on his shoulder, causing him to scream like a girl._

JANITOR: You're standing right here. Stop me if I'm going too fast.

JD: You! You're supposed to be paralyzed!

JANITOR: (_shrugs_)Island musta cured me.

JD: Oh yeah, like _that _could happen.

JANITOR: So, where we going?

JD: It's not important-

CHARLIE: We're going to find the cockpit. To get the transceiver.

JANITOR: Good.

JD: Yes and we really should be going-

HURLEY: Dude, you'd better come with us. There are polar bears. It's not safe.

JANITOR: Come with you? Gee, you think I could?

JD: No!

SAYID: (_surprised look at JD_)Of course you can.

_The Janitor lowers his head and bites his lip, as if overcome with gratitude to the point of tears. JD however isn't falling for one second of it._

JD: He…he'll just find some way to humiliate me! You don't know what he's capable of!

CHARLIE: JD, he's just trying to help.

JANITOR: Hey say there, aren't you the guy from Driveshaft?

CHARLIE: Well…(_grins_) yes I am actually.

JANITOR: Lead on, fellas.

_He turns to JD. Flash. We see the Janitor's face superimposed with the Eye of Sauron in the centre of his forehead. _

JANITOR: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA…

_End-of-fantasy flash._

JD: Damn you, dark lord…


	8. Chapter 8

Act 1, Scene 15

_Earlier. Back on the beach, at Jack's camp. The US Marshall's eyes open. Jack is standing nearby but doesn't see this._

MARSHALL: Jesus, my _head_…

_Jack turns, a little startled. He sees the Marshall struggling to get up onto his elbows and kneels down beside him, putting a hand on his chest and gently pushing him back to the sand._

JACK: I wouldn't do that just yet. You're recovering from a pretty severe concussion.

_Sawyer is walking past. He notices the Marshall up and about and stops. The Marshall shakes his head dazedly and looks around at the scene; the beach littered with survivors, the pieces of fuselage similarly scattered, the tropical island._

MARSHALL: Our plane…it crashed?

SAWYER: Wow, you're some kinda cop. You can tell that just by lookin around?

JACK: You're not helping.

SAWYER: You're gonna have to get _real _used to sayin' that, doc. Gotta go anyway – goin to find ourselves the cockpit, wherever the hell it landed.

JACK: Who's organising that?

SAWYER: (_points to JD, who sees him pointing and waves innocently_)PeeWee MD over there. God help us. Catch you fellas later.

_He moves off. Jack watches him go with a slightly irritated expression on his face; it's clear that he wants to be involved with the cockpit expedition. Reluctantly he turns his attention back to the Marshall._

JACK: Just relax. We've come down on an island, near as we can tell. Rescue shouldn't be long arriving.

MARSHALL: (_coming to_)Where is she? _Where is she?_

JACK: You were saying that a lot while you were out of it.

_The Marshall tries again to get up. Jack attempts to stop him but this time the Marshall is having none of it, and shoves him aside._

MARSHALL: I have to find her, you idiot!

JACK: Maybe I could help if you told me a little more. What does your wife look like?

MARSHALL: My _what_?

JACK: I assumed that's who you had been travelling with…?

_The Marshall digs in his pockets and produces a piece of paper. He uncrumples it and gives it to Jack. Jack looks. It's the wanted poster of Kate. Jack stares it at for a moment, absorbing what it means._

JACK: She was your prisoner, wasn't she.

MARSHALL: You've seen her.

JACK: (_after a short pause_) …yes.

MARSHALL: Where's my gun? Where the _hell _is my gun?

_Jack grabs him by the shoulder, his patience sorely tested._

JACK: You wanna broadcast that a little louder? There are over fifty scared out of their minds people on this beach. Worrying about a man with a gun is not something I want to add to the mix right now.

MARSHALL: You listen to _me_, Mister-

DR. COX: Problem?

_He walks up with a 'well?' expression on his face. The two men separate under his scrutiny. He nods at the Marshall._

DR. COX: Good to see you up. What's the deal?

MARSHALL: The _deal _is that I had an extremely dangerous prisoner with me on that flight, a prisoner who is now on the loose on this island. Add to that the fact that my gun has gone walkabout. Are you seeing a connection here, friend? Because I do. Where is she?

DR. COX: (_accepting the poster handed to him by Jack and glancing at it_) So what did she do?

MARSHALL: I don't see that that's any of-

_He trails off as Dr. Cox walks up to him, not stopping until his face is mere inches from the Marshall's. When he speaks, he speaks quietly but no less vehemently._

DR. COX: Oh you don't huh. Well let's see if I got this straight and feel free to stop me if you can't wait another _second _for my foot in your ass. You wake up from concussion and internal injuries – oh and you're welcome by the way – and you want to go play policeman again. Well in case you haven't noticed Sherlock, this isn't exactly Baker Street but if there's someone out there who poses a genuine threat then yeah, we do need to do something. So let me ask you one more time – what did she do?

MARSHALL: Bank robbery and murder.

_The shock registers on Jack's face. If Dr. Cox feels it too, he hides it well. He simply exhales and nods._

MARSHALL: Now I'm going to put that little outburst of yours down to stress, but don't you _ever _think you can talk to me like that, you hear me? You think you're tough don't you, big important doctor man? I've chased down guys who could make you look like the Tooth Fairy.

DR. COX: Oh but me, you, and the guys at the docks _all_ know which of us the wings and wand would look best on…

_The Marshall lunges at Dr. Cox. Jack steps in to steer off the attack. _

JACK: That is enough! When we have time to build a playground, I'll be sure to let you both know, but in the meantime, this ends _now._

MARSHALL: We need to round everyone up. It's time someone took charge of this situation.

_He walks off toward the largest assembled group of survivors, with one last hostile glance at Dr. Cox, who responds by giving an over-exaggeratedly cheerful wave._

DR. COX: Well, doc. You got what you wanted. Looks like we have a new glorious leader.

_We see (and distantly hear) the Marshall shouting at the survivors, gesturing with his arms, berating them to follow him. They stare at him._

DR. COX: (_quietly_)God help us.

Act 1, Scene 16

_The expedition group is still moving through the forest. We hear the 'Lost flashback' whooshing noise as we move in on Charlie. He shakes his head._

CHARLIE: Does anyone else keep finding themselves drifting off and remembering stuff that happened?

EVERYONE: Yeah/ I thought it was just me/ You too?

JD: (_obviously lying_)Yeah, totally…

_He nudges the Janitor._

JD: Do you?

JANITOR: Nah.

JD: Me either.

_They walk on for a moment before something occurs to JD. _

JD: Hey! I just asked you a question and you answered!

JANITOR: I did.

JD: You did it again! This is great! This is like…normal! Oh God finally I feel like I can talk to you!

JANITOR: What?

JD: (_feeling the walls begin to crumble, as everyone turns to look_) What? Wh…I didn't mean that I couldn't talk to you because you're just a Janitor-

_The Janitor, turned toward JD and with his back to everyone else, grins sadistically and begins a three-finger countdown. When he reaches zero…_

CHARLIE: _Just _a Janitor?

HURLEY: Just a Janitor? Dude, I was working in a burger joint. You too good to talk to me as well?

SAWYER: (_disgustedly_)Doctors, man. All the damn same.

_Still unseen to everyone else, the Janitor winks and gives JD a 'well done!' two-thumbs-up salute. He turns and as soon as he does he has a serious expression on his face._

JANITOR: Guys, please. It's okay.

JD: I told you! I told you all this would happen! He-he-he does this! He does it to me! He… (_abruptly shrugs, as if he's had enough_) Okay you know what, fine. I'm such a snob. I'm a snob who saved four people's lives back there on that beach. I'm a snob who helped dig this _mere Janitor _out from underneath half a ton of airplane. I'm a horrible class-obsessed excuse for a human being. Fine. Can we move on and try to find this damn cockpit so I can go back to my palatial mansion and begin shooting poor people out my windows again?

_Long pause. Everyone looks sheepish and ashamed. JD fixes them all with his best wronged-man glare._

HURLEY: Dude, I-

_Sayid, who had gone ahead, bursts back into the clearing._

SAYID: The cockpit, up ahead. Come on, while the light holds!

_He turns and runs back, everyone charging after him. Only JD and the Janitor are left._

JD: Dammit!

JANITOR: (_pats him on the back comfortingly_)There, there.

JD: Oh shut up, poor person.

_He stalks off into the jungle, calling the others to wait up. As he goes we see he has a piece of paper somehow attached to his back with EAT ME written on it._

JANITOR: (_to himself, comfortingly_)Rise above it. You're a wonderful person.

_He thinks about it for a second, nods as if he agrees, and then moves on. As he leaves the clearing, we linger there for a second, and after a moment another person enters, staring after the expedition group. It's Ethan Rom. He glares with open hatred at the retreating figures of JD and the Janitor._

ETHAN: (_whispers to himself, darkly_) Who _are_ you people…


	9. Chapter 9

Act 1, Scene 17

_Rosseau's cabin. She's walking around inside getting increasingly agitated._

ROSSEAU: They came for her…took her…my little girl…I had to do what I did to the others, don't you understand? They were infected…sick with the disease. They weren't people any more. It had to be done! The _Black Rock _– the ship of death – when we found it…it began…it began to take them slowly and I had to watch…

_We pan over to the Todd. He's been released from the bed but is now securely tied securely to the wall. _

ROSSEAU: …are you _asleep_?

_Todd jerks awake at her accusation, but recovers magnificently._

TODD: Asleep? No, I was _totally _listening to you. (_he glances down at his arm_)I find what you say fascinating and sexually empowering, and I agree, sympathise and wish to hear you talk about yourself some more.

ROSSEAU: …good.

_The Todd breathes a sigh of relief and we see that the speech above from 'I find what you say…' is written word-for-word on his arm._

TODD: Todd would like to be untied now, please.

ROSSEAU: No.

TODD: I gotta pee. From my penis.

ROSSEAU: I will get you a bottle.

TODD: Okay, but gotta warn you – my aim can be a little off. Once the monster is loose it takes all my strength to bring him under control…might need an extra pair of hands.

ROSSEAU: You are a vile pig of a man and you disgust me.

_She leaves the hut. Todd nods to himself knowingly in a 'she wants me' way. She's been gone no longer than a few seconds when-_

KATE: Psst!

_Todd glances up. Kate is peering down at him from one of the windows on the side of the dwelling._

KATE: (_whispers_)She's coming back – try to make her leave the hut for longer, and I'll untie you!

_Rosseau returns with the bottle. She throws it to Todd and it lands in his lap. We can see his face screwed up in deep thought as he ponders Kate's words. _

_Finally, inspiration strikes._

_We cut to Kate concealed outside and we see the shock on her face as an absolutely ENORMOUS fart sounds from within. _

_Within seconds Rosseau staggers outside, coughing and spluttering. _

ROSSEAU: Sick…infected…

_She looks around for her rifle, stepping away from the hut. As soon as she's a fair distance away Kate scrambles to the entrance and steals inside, unseen (taking a deep breath before she enters). Todd grins._

TODD: I did what you asked.

KATE: (_talking and trying not to breathe_) Great plan.

_She unties him rather expertly and they make for the hut's sole door and escape. Before they can get there however Rosseau appears, her rifle slung by her side. _

ROSSEAU: _NO! _

_She raises the rifle. Kate dives at her and the two women crash into each other before rolling around on the floor, kicking and punching and biting. We cut to the Todd, watching all this with rapt fascination and wide eyes._

TODD: You liking this too, little Todd? (_looks down_) Whoops. Sorry Big Todd. High five?

_We hear the signature Todd high-five sound effect as Kate manages to get the upper hand on Rosseau, stunning her with a punch. She grabs the rifle and slings it over her shoulder._

KATE: Come on!

_She bolts from the hut. Todd follows, but we see him wincing slightly as if something's making running uncomfortable at the moment. The two keep sprinting through the forest for some time until they emerge over a small dip, with a stream running at the bottom._

KATE: (_breathless_) We should…we should be okay. For now.

TODD: Can I just say something?

KATE: You don't have to thank me.

TODD: Are you wearing a bra? Cos when we were running I was seeing a _lot _of bounce there. Who's with me?

_We cut to a small piece of grass as we hear the distant noise of fist meeting face, someone saying 'ow!' and the sound of a body hitting the ground…again…and again…until finally the Todd comes into shot, his head thumping the piece of grass we're looking at. It makes a metallic CLANG._

_Todd's head slumps to the side, and we see one corner of the hatch poking out through the grass. _

_Kate adjusts the rifle on her shoulder and goes down to investigate…_

Act 1, Scene 18

_The expedition party approach the cockpit, its nose pointed to the air, a great ruined hulk sandwiched between trees. Sayid is first, followed by Charlie, Sawyer and Hurley. JD emerges from the trees behind them, panting in his hurry to catch up._

CHARLIE: (_too eager_) Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go.

SAYID: We should be cautious. We don't know how stable the structure is. It could topple, collapse at any moment if we apply our weight incorrectly.

HURLEY: Okay, no-one has to say it. If anything comes near you guys, I'll give you…I dunno…a signal.

SAWYER: Running away count as a signal?

HURLEY: Not funny, dude.

JD: Try an owl hooting.

HURLEY: Um. Why?

JD: It's traditional.

HURLEY: (_doubtfully_) Okay.

_JD and the others move onto the wreckage of the plane. Sawyer has now assumed the lead, but even he (to his clear surprise) is overtaken in climbing up the now-vertical rows of seats by Charlie._

JD: (_voice-over_) It was odd to be out of Sacred Heart for so long when I'd lived and breathed the place for four years and counting. I found myself wondering what was happening in our absence…

_Flash to Sacred Heart. A group of young nurses are sitting in a room (all women, all good-looking) and are sobbing brokenly into their handkerchiefs. Another young nurse, also bawling, walks past them and takes up position at a podium at the forefront of the room._

NURSE: (_through sobs_) I now…I now call this meeting of the…JD Come Home Club…to o-o-order…

ALL NURSES: (_anguished cry_)JD!

NURSE: In his absence…we can only do what…(_huge sob_) he would have wanted us to do. Get naked and make out with each other.

_She begins to strip. The other nurses do likewise…_

_End-of-fantasy flash. JD looks extremely pleased with himself. He begins climbing up the seats toward the cockpit._

_Charlie scrambles over another few seats, puts his hand out-_

CHARLIE: Aaaagh!

_He screams as his hand, searching for a handhold, closes around a dead woman's clothes and pulls her up to face him as . Her head lolls to one side, broken in the crash. Her cold eyes stare through him._

SAWYER: Man's got a way with the ladies.

_Nonchalantly, Sawyer shoves the dead woman back into her seat and resumes point. _

JD: You guys go ahead. I…I have to check in case one of them is…

SAYID: Need someone to help?

JD: (_quietly_) I don't think so. But if I do, you'll hear me.

_Sayid nods, knowing that words can't really cover it. He Sawyer and Charlie continue their arduous climb as JD hauls himself over to the right-hand aisle and the bodies that lie sprawled there._

_The following voice-over plays over a montage of JD checking bodies. Each one he checks is dead. We see him closing wide-open eyes and trying to subtly arrange the bodies in more dignified final positions._

JD: (_voice-over_) One thing bothered me. The plane broke up in mid-air; we could see that for ourselves. It had scattered across the island. None of us should have survived. And yet we had. And what was that thing in the forest? And polar bears? What was with that? It was like this island was some sort of crazy daydream…not that I was an expert on those.

_There is a strangled croaking gasp from above._

SAYID: Doctor! We need you!

JD: Be right there!

_He makes his way up the fuselage as quickly as he can. As he gets to the corridor leading to the cockpit, a door opens on his right and Charlie steps out from the toilets._

CHARLIE: (_surprised_) JD.

JD: You know I don't think the flush is gonna work now.

CHARLIE: Yeah. Huh. I…

SAYID: Doctor!

_JD presses onward, with one more look backward at Charlie, who's rubbing his nose and trying not to twitch. We can see in JD's face that he has some inkling of something being amiss._

_He enters the cockpit. Sayid and Sawyer are in the co-pilot and navigator chairs. Sayid is helping to support the pilot, who is conscious but covered in blood and extremely pale._

PILOT: Couldn't control it…

JD: (_comfortingly_) Here, let me help you. I'm a doctor.

_He examines the pilot as best he can given the awkward angle and cramped conditions. _

SAYID: How is he?

JD: Cracked ribs and a concussion. Shook up, but he'll live. We need to get him out of here. Gently.

_The pilot seems to be regaining full consciousness. He takes another look around and registers what's going on for the first time. _

PILOT: How many survivors?

SAYID: At least fifty.

PILOT: Fifty? That's…better than I hoped.

_JD, Sawyer, Sayid and Charlie share meaningful glances. It's better than any of them hoped too…_

SAWYER: Where the hell are we?

PILOT: I don't know.

SAWYER: You don't _know_? How can you not know? You were flying the goddamn plane!

PILOT: We lost radio contact out of Sydney, turned the plane around. We had to. Last time I checked the instruments we were a thousand miles off course.

CHARLIE: No-one knows where we are? Oh just great. Just bloody sodding marvellously brilliant.

SAYID: (_motioning for calm_) We need the aircraft's transceiver.

PILOT: To send a distress signal…right, good idea.

_He rummages amongst the instruments. As he does so, there's a strange noise from outside, like a banshee wailing. _

SAWYER: (_peering out the cockpit window_)What now?

CHARLIE: Sounds like a cat getting a vasectomy.

PILOT: (_clutching the transceiver triumphantly in his hand_) Sounds like someone doing a bad owl impression to me.

JD: Hurley! That's the signal!

_We cut to outside. It has started to rain, heavily. Hurley is cupping his hands to his mouth and trying his best to too-whit-too-whoo, but doing an extremely bad job. As he watch him he gives up and goes for a less subtle approach. _

HURLEY: MONSTER! MONSTER! MONSTER COMING THIS WAY!

_Indeed, the roaring and crashing is clearly audible. The sound of several trees falling spurs Hurley on to run for the fuselage and the meagre cover it provides._

HURLEY: GUYS! HURRY!

_There's pandemonium inside the cockpit. _

PILOT: What's going on?

SAYID: There's something on the island. Big, dangerous. We don't know what.

PILOT: Big enough to worry five of us? How bad can it be?

JD: (_voice-over_) And that's when it happened.

_Flash. The cockpit window shatters open and something – moving too fast to be identified – reaches inside and yanks the pilot bodily out into the forest. He screams._

_End-of-fantasy flash._

_JD stares at the pilot for a long moment. He seems about to speak. And then…_

…_the cockpit window shatters open and something – moving too fast to be identified – reaches inside and yanks the pilot bodily out into the forest. He screams._

_We zoom in on JD's face as he realises what has just happened._

JD: Oh no.


	10. Chapter 10

Act 1, Scene 19

_A small crowd, including Boone, Shannon, Kelso, Michael and Walt, have gathered on the beach to hear the Marshall speak. Carla and Turk are also present, and we see Jack and Dr. Cox approach._

MARSHALL: …the last thing I want to do is alarm anyone.

SHANNON: Oh right, so there's a murderer on the loose and we're supposed to be the Brady Bunch about it?

TURK: Hey I know you're upset, but there is _no_ need to badmouth the Bunch.

BOONE: Helpful as ever, Shannon.

WALT: I don't believe him.

MICHAEL: (_putting his arm around him_) Walt, now's not the time-

WALT: (_shakes off his father's arm_)I don't _care _if now's not the time. I spoke to her and she was nice. Besides, why would she want to hurt any of us? We're all stuck here on this dumb island together. Hurting us won't get her anything.

MARSHALL: You're all hoarding various supplies for yourselves, I assume? (_off their looks_) Yeah, I thought as much. You really think a murderer will stop at anything if she's starving, or thirsty, or needs medical supplies?

CARLA: So she doesn't get any of those things, is that right? And here's a question for you; what are you going to do with her if you _do _catch her, Mr Lawman? Build a jail out of bamboo sticks and guava? Pass sentence yourself? Stand guard over her for however long it is before we get rescued?

JACK: (_to Dr. Cox_) I like her.

DR. COX: Steady, stubble boy. There's a line.

MARSHALL: I'll decide what's to be done with her _after _she's back in my custody.

KELSO: That's what this place needs, dammit! A man of conviction! Not another simpering pathetic snivelling doctor!

_There is a low – but noticeable – undercurrent of assent from one or two people standing in the main crowd._

MARSHALL: I'm proposing a few of us go into the island to flush her out. Another few can stay here and guard the women and children on the beach.

TURK: (_to the Marshall, as we see Carla bristle beside him_) Ouch. Shouldn't have said that.

CARLA: _Guard the women?_ And maybe later you heroes can come back and we'll wash your feet and bring you the latest copy of _Tropical Island Gazette_, would you like that too?

JACK: I don't think it's a good idea.

MARSHALL: I don't think I asked you.

DR. COX: Well hell, I'm asking him. (_turns to Jack standing beside him, arms folded_) Say Jack ol' buddy, seeing as how you're in possession of 100 more of that thing us pathetic snivelling doctors like to call _a brain _than certain other individuals who I won't name (_he turns and, arms still folded, makes manic jumping motions to indicate the Marshall_) can you tell the class why it's a bad idea?

JACK: We've got bigger priorities right now.

MARSHALL: Bigger? Bigger than catching a murderer?

_During the following speech Jack walks very slowly and purposefully toward the Marshall, and Dr. Cox jumps up and down with excitement._

JACK: Well, yes! Bigger as in we still have to dispose of the bodies before disease spreads and there's no-one left for her to murder, since she is _obviously _the most crazed serial killer the world has ever known…bigger as in we are running out of bottled water extremely quickly and if we don't have any water, then what's she going to stab us to death for in one of her inevitable killing sprees…bigger in that we need shelters; it just rained for two hours and if it does that during the night we are in serious danger of hypothermia and besides, if we don't have some sort of shelter then what's she going to store all of our mangled corpses in? I'd say all of those are pretty big problems, wouldn't you Marshall _sir_?

_Dr. Cox, Turk and Carla explode with rapturous applause. Dr. Cox wipes away an imaginary tear and pats Jack on the shoulder._

DR. COX: Not even two days I've had this boy. And look at him. (_fake sob_) Why do they have to grow up so damn _fast_ on you…

MARSHALL: (_addressing everyone_) Looks to me like you've got a choice, people. We're stuck here. We don't know how long for. But until rescue comes we need to have someone who makes the tough choices. And since we're all (_he glares at Jack and Cox_) _civilised _people here I figure we should vote for who that person oughta be. So…I nominate myself.

CARLA: Get outta town! _You _wanna run?

MARSHALL: (_ignoring her_) I've been in law enforcement for over twenty years. I will keep us from descending into anarchy. I will guarantee the security of each and every person here. I will organise us to find water, gather food, build shelter, and maintain a signal fire. I swore an oath to protect the innocent and I will keep that oath.

KELSO: Got my vote.

_Quite a few others murmur their assent._

MARSHALL: Anyone else want to stand?

_All eyes naturally turn to Jack. He seems distinctly uncomfortable. _

BOONE: I do.

_This takes everyone by surprise, except Shannon it seems. She rolls her eyes._

SHANNON: _You_? You couldn't inspire steam from a kettle.

BOONE: (_hotly_) I manage my own company, Shannon. When was the last time you managed anything – apart from maxing out your credit limit?

_They begin to bicker. We move over to Turk and Carla as they do so._

TURK: (_to Carla_) huh?

CARLA: (_to Turk_) I don't speak WASP. We need Elliot to translate.

TURK: Elliot. (_shakes his head in wonderment_) Man, of all the people not to _need _to win the Lottery. How did she do it?

CARLA: I know…

_Dr. Cox has had enough of the sibling rivalry. He steps in with his trademark 'quit it right now if you know what's good for you' whistle._

DR. COX: Did I change channel to reruns of _Tropical Island 90210_ without realising? Now…Legs, Skinny…we all realise you've probably got some buried rich-people problems and I'd just like a moment to reassure you all that, well, we don't care. None of us. Not even idle curiosity. So stow it. And by the way, I nominate Jack.

MARSHALL: Anyone else? (_when none is forthcoming, he indicates Boone and Jack_)Would either of you like to say something?

BOONE: Yeah, sure. (_clears his throat nervously_) I know I haven't had much opportunity to speak to any of you yet, but uh, like I say I run my own company and so I've got good organisational skills. And I'll, I'll treat everyone with respect.

SHANNON: Wow. Now I know how people felt listening to the Gettysburg Address.

BOONE: Thank you, Shannon. _Knew_ I could count on you.

_The Marshall turns to Jack and raises his eyebrows challengingly. Jack, again under scrutiny, glances around at everyone and then seems to relax slightly._

JACK: I have no particular desire to lead anyone. You pretty much all heard what my priorities were a few seconds ago – getting rid of the bodies, water source, shelter. If you choose me, fine. If you don't, I'll still work toward those things, because it's what I feel we have to do, what we need to do until we get off this island.

_He stops speaking and shrugs slightly, as if to say 'I'm done'._

MARSHALL: Show of hands fine with you two?

_Jack and Boone glance at each other, and nod._

MARSHALL: (_not entirely sincerely_)Best of luck…

Act 1, Scene 20

_JD is sprinting through the trees. Some distance to his left, Sawyer is running as fast as he can; to his right, Charlie is doing likewise. All are being pursued by the unseen monster. Trees are toppling like ninepins. JD leaps from a log and half-falls, half-stumbles down a small slope, hitting the bottom and getting up to begin running again almost immediately. He's absolutely terrified…and suddenly, there is no sign of Sawyer or Charlie behind him, but every sign of the monster chasing._

_And gaining._

_JD risks a glance behind and sees a tree be tossed aside, the huge bark whizzing mere feet above his head. His pace falters as he realises he's not going to outrun whatever it is that's after him. He has only one other option. _

_There's a thick cluster of trees to his left. He dives in and slides between them, keeping close to the ground. After a few seconds he stops, completely out of breath and yet trying as hard as he can to make no noise whatsoever, hoping against hope that the thing out there won't find him._

_But it has._

_It begins to tear into the trees around him, stripping away his hiding place piece by piece. The roaring and mechanical whirring and clanking are deafeningly loud, and all JD can do is lie there and wait to be taken just as the pilot was._

_And then-_

JANITOR: Hey! Hey! Over here!

_JD looks out of his tiny hiding hole, disbelieving. Across the clearing the Janitor has emerged from the trees and is waving his arms and jumping up and down, trying to attract the monster's attention. He pauses for a moment to look at the amazed JD. _

JANITOR: (_shrugs_) Figure I owe you one.

_His dancing around has the desired effect. The presence detaches from its attack and moves with terrible swiftness toward the Janitor. All JD can see through a cloud of dust and leaves is the Janitor pulled flat onto his back and dragged into the trees, disappearing with one last cry._

_JD is too shaken, too stunned to speak. We stay on his face as he shakily gets to his feet and stares at the spot where the Janitor vanished. We pull back into the trees ourselves and leave him standing there, alone._


	11. Chapter 11

Act 1, Scene 21

_The camera moves swiftly throughout the following, and there is no dialogue. Firstly, we move from the fringe of the forest onto the beach, just as the cockpit expedition does the same. We see Jack, Dr. Cox and Turk jog over to meet them. Dr. Cox and JD exchange words. Dr. Cox absorbs what JD has to say and puts a hand on the younger man's shoulder. He shakes him roughly, as if trying to emphasise a point. JD nods reluctantly. Dr. Cox, concern visible in his expression, slaps his back and virtually leads him towards the centre of the beach where the main throng are standing/sitting._

_A few hundred yards up the beach, Locke and Ted emerge also. The first thing we see is Ted, sunlight reflecting off the top of his head and a smile he wears that's an acre wide. As he moves toward us the camera swings down to show us why; he has a long branch over one shoulder running to Locke a few yards behind, and suspended by its feet from the branch is one very dead, very large boar. Locke wears a smaller but no less pleased grin, and reaches forward with his free hand to slap Ted on the back. Ted staggers slightly but his smile doesn't dim one bit. A few survivors, attracted by the sight, wander over and offer congratulations. Ted looks as if he is proud fit to burst._

_We pause for a second to take in the sight of Kelso watching this, a thoughtful frown on his face._

_A hundred yards or so further up the beach, two more people emerge very cautiously and not very far from the trees…_

TODD: So explain it to me again.

KATE: How many times do I have to say no? Forget it. Just remember what I told you and it'll be fine.

TODD: Okay.

KATE: Okay. So go.

_Todd hesitates._

TODD: What about you?

KATE: I'll be fine.

TODD: Where will you-

KATE: I said _I'll be fine._

_Todd turns to go. Kate turns to melt back into the trees. Before she does however Todd holds up a finger and turns._

TODD: Just one more thing-

KATE: Oh for God's…_yes_, I am. It's just underwired and a really good fit on me, got it?

TODD: Not the bra thing. I figured that out. Just…thank you. You didn't have to do what you did. You're alright.

KATE: Yeah. Well tell you what, you do me a favour. When you go over there, no matter what you might hear…just remember that.

TODD: Deal.

_Kate nods, and turns this time to walk away. After a pace she stops, her back still turned._

KATE: You're checking me out aren't you?

TODD: Absolutely.

_Kate rolls her eyes but grins despite herself. She vanishes into the trees. Todd waits until she's gone and then jogs back down the beach toward the main group. He aims for Turk._

TODD: REUNION FIVE!

_He launches himself into a five, his right hand outstretched._

TURK: Holy sh-

_Taken completely by surprise, Turk ducks reflexively and Todd sails through the air, landing in the sand with an 'ooomph!' and a thud. After a moment he rolls over onto his back and stares up at the curious faces looking down at him._

TURK: Welcome back, Todd.

_We pull a little way away to where Locke and Ted are setting down their prize reverentially on the beach. Claire wanders over, with Charlie following a few seconds later._

CLAIRE: You two really caught that? Wow!

TED: (_modestly_) 'tweren't nothing.

CHARLIE: You know not that I'm not gratified at an end in sight to the all-peanut diet, but what _is _that thing?

LOCKE: Dinner.

CHARLIE: Descriptive. I like that. (_turning to Claire_) What's going on? Who's the new guy?

CLAIRE: (_making a face_) You mean Marshollini? He had concussion and woke up while you guys were gone. Beginning to wish he'd developed amnesia as well.

_Jack, who has wandered over to inspect the boar, grins._

JACK: Unfortunately outside of _Movie of the Week_ amnesia like that is incredibly rare. But believe me, I get what you mean.

CLAIRE: Well if it means anything, you've got my vote.

CHARLIE: _Vote?_ Did I miss the formation of the Craphole Island Masonic Society or something? What's going on?

_Jack is about to explain when he's interrupted by the Marshall, who has also wandered over to the boar (it seems to be drawing people to it slowly but surely)._

MARSHALL: We have a leadership election on our hands. Jack and I are running. I'm afraid you missed running nominations but if you'd like to submit yourself as a candidate…

CHARLIE: Me? Lead? I didn't care much for the spotlight in the band, don't see any reason why I'd crave it here.

MARSHALL: Band? You were in a band?

CHARLIE: Driveshaft?

MARSHALL: Never heard of them son.

CHARLIE: (_ticking off on his fingers_) Never heard of my band…calling me 'son'…you're doing well so far.

_Jack stifles a laugh._

MARSHALL: Well I may not have heard of your band son, but if you want to base your decision on who should lead us on that you go ahead. If however you'd like to base it on who's capable of enforcing law and order on this island, then hopefully you'll forgive my musical tastes.

_We see a quick flash of Charlie in the toilet he disappeared into while on the cockpit expedition, scrabbling for the packages of heroin flushed into the toilet basin and stashing them in his jacket pocket. When we flash back we see Charlie has stuck his hand in there protectively. _

CHARLIE: (_weakly_)Oh well, law and order…that changes everything. Yay you.

MARSHALL: Glad to hear it.

_He shoots a look at Jack, nods to Locke, Ted and Claire (she sticks her tongue out at him in response) and walks off to another small group, obviously to make more speeches._

CHARLIE: (_whispers to Jack_) Do you want the secret handshake now, or later?

_Jack grins._

DR. COX: Jack! Get over here!

JACK: Be right there.

CHARLIE: (_nodding to Dr. Cox_) Is he running?

JACK: No.

CHARLIE: Oh, thank Christ.

_Jack laughs and jogs over to where Dr. Cox, Hurley, JD, Turk, Carla and the Todd are assembled. JD still looks shaken._

JD: I just think we should-

CARLA: JD, please. I've practically had this thing down my throat too, remember. What are you hoping to accomplish by rushing out there? You'll get yourself killed!

JD: He doesn't deserve to just…

JACK: Just…?

HURLEY: (_quietly_) Sawyer and I found the pilot.

DR. COX: You…you found him? And he was dead, right?

HURLEY: Well dude, unlike everyone here I'm not a doctor but when a guy's hanging limp forty feet up in the trees and there's a pool of freakin' blood on the ground below him and his arms and legs bend in places they shouldn't bend…

JD: I can't just leave him like that!

JACK: A few of the others have been planning a service for the bodies we're putting in the fuselage tonight. Until we find your friend we'll put his name with the others.

JD: (_voice-over_) I don't know what made me say what I said next. But something about it just felt right.

CARLA: Thank you.

JACK: No problem. What was it?

_Everyone looks at each other, guilt-ridden. Everyone except for JD._

JD: It was Torr. Jan Torr. I think his Dad was from Europe.

HURLEY: (_scribbling in his notepad_) I'll tell Claire. I, um, I just…wanna sit down for a while if it's okay with everyone.

_He walks off. Jack waits for a moment and then addresses everyone._

JACK: At a wild guess, Jan's middle initial wouldn't be E, would it?

Act 1, Scene 22

_Sawyer sits down on his 'requisitioned' furniture on his encampment, putting his feet up on a small box. He stares moodily out at the ocean, as the sun begins to sink toward the horizon. A flash of rage crosses his features and he lashes out, kicking the box twenty yards toward the waves. He sighs and massages his eyes with his fingers._

KATE: Bad day?

_She's standing behind him, still somewhat covered by the trees. She sends one quick glance down the beach toward where the Marshall is still canvassing._

SAWYER: Stuff I learned today: we were 1000 miles off course so it's very damn likely whatever rescue teams are searchin' for us ain't got a clue where to begin. There's a thing out there in that forest that likes to chow down on pilots and leave 'em to drip-dry on trees. And oh yeah…appears we have a lawbreaker in our very own midst. How about that, freckles? That seem like a good day to you?

KATE: Had better.

_Sawyer reaches into a box by his right hand and pulls out a bottle._

SAWYER: Beer?

KATE: What'll it cost me?

SAWYER: Consider it provisions for your trip.

_Kate is silent._

SAWYER: That's what you're gonna do, ain't it? Run?

KATE: He's a man with a gun.

SAWYER: Swing and a miss for the little lady.

_He reaches into his waistband and pulls out the gun, waving it once in the air before tucking it securely back in there again. Only now does he turn on the chair and look at her. She's shocked._

SAWYER: Your friend was out cold for a day. Plain luck I found him before those doctors did. Or maybe you're inclined to wishin' those doctors hadn't found him at all…

KATE: Does he know you have that?

SAWYER: No-one's told him yet. That might change if he wins this damn-fool election he's insistin' on. Reckon if he wins – and looks like he will, not to scare ya – there'll be a good old fashioned posse sent in there after ya.

KATE: It's not the only gun on the island.

SAWYER: How do you figure?

KATE: He checked a case into the hold. Four guns inside.

SAWYER: (_snorts_)Good luck lookin' for a case on an island this size.

KATE: If he finds out you have that gun-

SAWYER: He'll have to try and take it from me.

KATE: And if he does, he'll kill me.

SAWYER: He won't. Only thing you have to worry about is him finding this case, sounds to me.

KATE: Help me.

_Sawyer throws her the beer. She catches it._

SAWYER: Glad I could help. Best o' luck now. Bye bye.

KATE: You don't know him. If he gets his hands on that case…even if he gets the notion he's in charge, you really think he's gonna let you hoard all this stuff?

SAWYER: Let him come and chat. Should be fun.

KATE: I found something in the forest.

SAWYER: Gingerbread house?

KATE: A door.

SAWYER: (_interested despite himself_) A door…

KATE: A door…some sort of hatch set into the ground. I dug it out a little, but there's a lot more buried beneath the ground. Could be a way out.

SAWYER: Could be you're spinnin' me stories, freckles.

KATE: You a good liar, Sawyer?

SAWYER: It's been said.

KATE: Good liar can tell when he's being lied to. Am I right?

_Sawyer stands up and walks to her. He stares at her for a moment. She doesn't flinch._

SAWYER: Alright, there's a door. So what.

KATE: You like to hoard. Bound to be something buried behind that door. I'll show you where it is.

SAWYER: (_thinks about it, sighs, and nods_)Somethin' tells me this is gonna cost me more than a bottle of warm beer…

_He follows her into the forest. We stay at his encampment for a moment and then move a little further up the beach, to where someone is crouched down under cover of the trees there. It's Kelso._

KELSO: Well now. Wasn't _that_ interesting.


	12. Chapter 12

Act II, Scene I

_Later that evening. Night has fallen on the survivors for the second time. Unlike the night before, when confusion reigned, now they are united under one terrible purpose; their faces lit and their bodies warm from one source of light and heat. The fuselage is ablaze, and with it, a considerable number of friends and family of those gathered there. We pan across the faces of the bereft, the grieving, and past the cold and calculating expression of the Marshall._

_With JD and Dr. Cox, Carla and Turk are watching the fire. Turk is standing over and behind Carla, his arms wrapped around her protectively. She is grateful for it._

CARLA: Someone should say something…

TURK: I love you.

_She smiles back at him and squeezes his arm._

CARLA: That wasn't what I meant…but I love you, too.

_They look over at the survivors who are watching loved ones go up in flames. They have, almost unconsciously, formed their own little band a little apart from the remainder. Some are crying, some silent. All are transfixed._

DR. COX: We can't say anything.

CARLA: Why?

DR. COX: Because we didn't lose anyone.

_They absorb the truth of this._

JD: Yeah, we did.

TURK: (_patting his shoulder_) Dude, I bet he's doin' fine. You wait and see. He'll probably come outta that forest during the night and set your pants on fire while you sleep.

JD: (_with a wistful smile_) You're not just sayin that?

CARLA: Or drug you, dress you up like an S&M model and post pictures of you in callboxes all over the state with your home number.

JD: (_nostalgically_)Like last May…good times.

DR. COX: (_as he proceeds through the following, everyone looks more and more uneasy_)Torture you slowly and brutally, cranking up the pain until you're screaming, begging, crying out for mercy and only then…only then will death be delivered, piece by oh-so satisfying piece.

JD: That…uh, that doesn't sound like something the Janitor would do.

DR. COX: Who?

TURK: (_ignoring JD's worried expression_) Where's The Todd?

_A loud slap rings out across the beach, coming from their right. Dr. Cox jerks a thumb in that direction without even turning his head._

DR. COX: Incoming.

_Todd wanders over to the group, rubbing his cheek thoughtfully._

CARLA: What happened?

_Charlie jogs over to them and pushes Todd in the chest._

CHARLIE: What the hell d'you think you're doing?!

_Turk grabs Charlie and separates he and Todd, much to JD's chagrin, as he'd made a lunge for him himself. _

TURK: Cool it on down there, big guy.

CHARLIE: Where did you find this guy? He just asked a _9 months pregnant_ girl if she'd ever seen the brown elephant!

CARLA: The what?

_Todd pulls out his pants pockets so they hang down like ears. _

TODD: And now for the trunk-

TURK: Todd! No!

_Claire waddles up to them, a little unsteadily. Charlie is on her like a flash. She looks as him slightly quizzically._

CHARLIE: Apologise to her, right now!

CLAIRE: Charlie, it's fine…it's the first time I've laughed since we got here.

DR. COX: Yeah. Whoppee-doo's all round, but can we try to keep the giggles to a minimum considering the people watching their _flambéed _loved ones are about fifteen feet away?

_The group falls silent. _

JD: (_voice-over_) For someone who made a career obsessing over saving as many as he could, watching all those people he couldn't save go up in flames was pretty much torture for Dr. Cox.

_We move closer to Cox as JD's voice-over continues and we see that he's right; Cox's face is haunted._

JD: (_voice-over_) ...but what made it worse was that this had been his idea.

_We move across to Jack and the Lost regulars, likewise watching the pyre. Jack's expression echoes Dr. Cox's. They share a glance at each other before Cox takes off his stethoscope and throws it to the sand, stalking off alone._

_Jack moves to follow him, but a hand on his chest stops him._

SAYID: Jack. We need to talk.

JACK: (_with a resigned expression at Dr. Cox's retreating back_) Sure, Sayid. More good news?

SAYID: Not exactly.

JACK: You amaze me.

SAYID: In the chaos of our escape from...whatever it was that attacked and killed the pilot, we have I fear forgotten the purpose of our mission in the first place.

JACK: The transceiver? You got it?

SAYID: The pilot had it in his hands when he was pulled from the cockpit. (_off Jack's expression_) Wait, Jack - nothing we've seen so far suggests this creature has any sort of intelligence or motive. It may not have known what a transceiver was. The device is probably still out there.

JACK: We need to get it as soon as-

SAYID: I will go, tomorrow. I will not refuse company, but I must go. I can find it. I am sure of that.

JACK: (_nods_) No arguments here. But...why are you telling me all this, Sayid?

SAYID: (_after a pause_)Jack, I am not stupid. Our plane has crashed. I am an Iraqi. The finger of suspicion has already been pointed.

JACK: (_dismissively_) Kelso and Sawyer?

SAYID: For now. But if we are not rescued, soon...things may escalate. And let us not forget there is already one gun on this island. There may be more. I have options, Jack, if things go badly for me. I can look after myself. But I would much _rather _prove myself to be a useful member of this little community of ours.

_Hurley, who has been eavesdropping with his usual subtlety, chooses this moment to step forward and join in the conversation._

HURLEY: Dude, you get that transceiver and get us rescued, and I will personally get you elected as President and Pope within a year. I swear. (_a thought strikes him_) Or, um, give you like, 20 million dollars when we get rescued.

SAYID: (_smiling_) Neither will be necessary.

JACK: You haven't answered my question, Sayid. Why tell _me _all this?

SAYID: Jack. I have served my country. I recognise leadership qualities when I see them. And you'll forgive me (_he casts a look at the Marshall_) if I express concern over the alternatives.

HURLEY: What will we do if he wins this election thing?

SAYID: (_darkly_) I have options.

_On cue, the Marshall walks over to them. Jack straightens and smiles in a friendly way. His two companions make little such effort._

MARSHALL: Everyone's gathered. Seems like now is as good a time as any to do this.

JACK: You want to hold the election _now_?

MARSHALL: Is there a problem?

HURLEY: Not apart from the smouldering pile of bodies a hundred feet away, no. Dude, are you crazy? There are people there watching their families and friends go up in smoke.

SAYID: Hurley is right. Tonight should be about their grief. To hijack that would be-

MARSHALL: _Hijack_? Ouch. Unfortunate word use there.

SAYID: (_stepping forward_) What are you implying?

MARSHALL: Did I hit a nerve?

JACK: Enough!

_We see the heads of the other survivors turn in their direction as Jack speaks._

JACK: This arguing _has _to stop! And I don't care if I win this damned election or not or whether I'm in a position to...to order anything, but I'm talking as a member of this group and I'm telling you all that if we don't start pulling in the same direction and _thinking_, seriously _thinking _about what we're facing here then we're watching those people burn in there for nothing! Because we'll be joining them!

_His words echo in the darkness. The fire-lit faces of the assembled stare back at him, some grief-stricken, some fearful, all taking in what he's just said. One of them lets himself the luxury of a small smile. It's Dr. Cox._

DR. COX: Let's say we hold that election right now. Show of hands for our friend the Marshall?

_Everyone watches everyone else. No hands are raised. We should note that Kelso is not present amongst everyone, which no-one seems to have noticed._

_The Marshall's face darkens in anger. _

MARSHALL: You-

DR. COX: And for Jack?

_A forest of hands raise into the air. A small cheer goes up from the crowd. Hurley raises Jack's hand aloft. Jack rolls his eyes at the gesture, but makes no move to pull his arm free either. _

_We cut to Shannon and Boone._

SHANNON: Hey. Aren't they forgetting you're running too?

_She glances across at him, and sees he has his arm raised. She rolls her eyes._

SHANNON: You actually _voted_ for the guy you're running against?

BOONE: If he's the man for the job, then he deserves it. It's called _humility, _Shannon. Try it sometime.

SHANNON: Bite me.

_Jack proffers his hand to the Marshall. _

JACK: Look...this got out of hand, but no-one here is saying you don't have skills to bring to the group.

_The Marshall comes closer until the two men are practically nose-to-nose. We see Dr. Cox, Sayid and Turk hover meaningfully in the background._

MARSHALL: You think you've got what it takes? You who purposefully want to ignore the fact that a convicted felon is on the loose out there, in the middle of the night, with my weapon unaccounted for and fifty defenceless people here? You haven't got a clue, _Jack_.

JACK: I guess we'll see.

MARSHALL: There is no _we. _Stay on the beach. Play your little diorama with your public. I'm going to finish what I started back in the States.

_He walks off. They watch as he grabs a few provisions and is gone into the forest in a matter of moments._

CHARLIE: I never thought I'd actually find myself wishing for the noise of trees being trampled.

JACK: Sayid...I think I just signed up for your transceiver hunt.

SAYID: Might we also be looking for something else?

JD: Or someone.

JACK: Yeah. (_looking into the forest, clearly thinking of Kate_) Yeah. We might.


	13. Chapter 13

Act II, Scene II

_The dead of night on the beach. JD is shivering under a thin overcoat, trying vainly to get to sleep. A shadow falls over him._

DR. COX: Here.

_He throws JD a blanket, walking off before a grateful JD can say anything. JD covers himself with the blanket and allows his gaze to sweep across the beach. A few of the survivors are still awake and talking, a few still maintaining their lonely vigil over the funeral pyre of the fuselage._

JD: (_voice-over_) I couldn't pretend that this had been a normal couple of days, even by my life's standards. None of us knew how we'd survived that crash as well as we had, or what this island had in store for us. Being rescued had gone from something we were sure we only had to wait for to something we were less and less certain was going to happen soon...if at all. And none of us could pretend there weren't things to worry even the most optimistic...

_As he says this, we quickly cut to the forest. Kate and Sawyer have camped in the middle of a small clearing. Though we can't hear what they're saying, Sawyer has a bottle of alcohol. They're playing 'I Never'. _

_We cut to another part of the forest. The Marshall has likewise made a small camp for himself, a small fire. He stares into the flames, turns his head to regard the now-distant flames of the fuselage blaze. His eyes gleam._

_And we cut back to the beach, and Ethan Rom emerging from the forest, slipping quietly back into the ranks of those assembled there with no-one the wiser..._

_...no-one, it seems, but Charlie, who has just finished rubbing a white substance on his gums from the cover of the treeline. His puzzled frown follows Ethan until the heroin kicks in and is replaced by a gleeful bliss at life._

JD: (_voice-over_) ...but there were glimpses of humanity too. Whether from those chosen to lead-

_Jack and Sayid are deep in conversation with each other. Sitting alongside, Hurley is trying manfully to stay awake. His eyes shut and he very slowly topples sideways onto the beach. Jack grins and throws a blanket over his slumbering form before resuming the conversation._

JD: ...those just discovering that there may be a place in the world where they fit in...

_Ted stands by the boar roasting on the spit. He carves a piece for a grateful survivor who thanks him. Ted looks quite speechless at the gratitude but finally manages to say 'you're welcome'. Locke pats him on the shoulder._

JD: ...even those who didn't know they had it in them.

_Boone walks up to Claire with another blanket, before seeing that she's asleep already under the one she possesses. He turns to walk away and then reconsiders, dropping it over her sleeping form anyway._

CLAIRE: (_stirring, opening her eyes_)Thanks.

BOONE: (_surprised_) ...no problem.

JD: (_voice-over_) It could have been worse. Of course, it could have been better too. I could have won $57 million dollars on the Lottery like Elliot and be sailing off around the world on my luxury private yacht...

_JD yawns. His voice-over voice gets appropriately sleepy._

JD: (_voice-over_) I wonder what she's up to...?

Act II, Scene III

_A fabulous luxury yacht, its white sails billowing magnificently in the wind, cuts through the ocean like a hot knife through butter. It sails directly toward the camera and we pan upwards, travelling along its hull, skipping off the deck rail and zooming over the spacious, polished wood surface until we arrive at the door to the yacht's belowdecks, where we pause…_

…_and hear the sound of someone being noisily sick. Again. And again._

_A few moments later, Dr. Elliot Reed staggers out onto decks. If she were any greener, she'd be Al Gore. She casts a look of pure hatred at the ocean and produces a large phone (presumably a satellite phone) with a bolted-on battery pack. She stabs in numbers._

JD: (_voice-over, in an extremely smooth voice_) Hey, you've reached the cellphone of Dr. John Dorian. Seems like I'm not around right now – probably off saving a few lives as we Doctors do. Leave a message after the –

_Beep._

ELLIOT: JD? JD come on, pick up. JD, I know you're there.

_As she says this, we get another view of the yacht on the ocean, this time from the opposite angle. Elliot's yacht is heading for an island. An extremely familiar-looking island._

ELLIOT: Oh come on, where else could you be? I know you're not due back from that stupid conference until tomorrow.

_A faint droning noise begins. Elliot doesn't seem to notice._

ELLIOT: So, Shaun left me. We made port at Fiji a while back and we'd been, you know, _discussing _some things in our relationship and so next thing I know he's taken a job at the Fiji Dolphin Project. I only found out a day later there's no such thing – he'd gone to a souvenir shop and had a T-shirt printed with 'Fiji Dolphin Project'. Can you believe that?

_We go to a low view on the deck looking upward at Elliot talking into the phone. There's an airliner high in the skies above. _

ELLIOT: I can't believe he's gone. I just feel like my whole world is breaking up-

_The airliner breaks into two pieces._

ELLIOT: And even though I have all this money, I'm starting to feel like…I'm cursed. Like this money has brought me nothing but bad luck. I know that's crazy…

_The tail section begins to drop at a phenomenal rate toward the yacht. Finally, Elliot seems to register the noise. She looks up in time to see hundreds of tons of falling metal dropping out of the sky directly above her._

ELIOT: (_weakly_)Oh, _frick_…

_She makes a desperate leap off the yacht just as the tail section impacts. A huge wall of water rises, and we follow Elliot underwater as she struggles against the raging currents. The tail section sinks right beside her, and she has time to glimpse a terrified passenger's face through one of the windows before it passes from view. _

_Elliot surfaces, gasping in shock and gasping for air. More debris is still raining down. An explosion rips across the water's surface, forcing her back underwater to escape the blast. The waters are so clear that she can see the tail section sinking thirty feet or so below her. Kicking shapes are trying valiantly to free themselves. _

_Elliot surfaces again. The beach is less then forty feet away. Elliot stares at it for a moment, but her expression changes. She takes a huge breath and dives straight downward, making for the tail section wreckage, which seems now to be slowly rising to the surface, passing desperate survivors swimming desperately for air (including Ana-Lucia). _

_Some time later, Elliot emerges from the water, dragging the terrified boy Jake, holding onto his teddy bear like grim death. Elliot is carrying the unconscious body of his sister Emma in her arms. She lays Emma down on the sand and checks her breathing. _

JAKE: Is she OK?

ELLIOT: She's breathing.

_Mr. Eko and Ana Lucia come to look just as Emma comes to._

EMMA: Where's my Mom?

ANA LUCIA: We don't know.

EMMA: She's meeting us in Los Angeles...

ELLIOT: Oh please. Don't talk to me about mothers letting you down. My 13th birthday party, my Mom decided _that _was the time to debut her latest trick of vomiting whiskey in a spectacular and actually quite impressive parabolic arc into the pool from our third-storey window butt naked and with SLAVE WHORE written all over herself in lipstick. It took Jorge three weeks to clean it up Of course it would have taken him _less _time if Mom hadn't been locked in his man-jingo hut embrace for most of it. Which-

ANA LUCIA: (_to Emma, comfortingly_)I'm gonna get you home soon, OK? (_to Elliot, taking her aside_) Could you please crazy-babble somewhere else? We got two kids in deep shock and sick and dying people all over this beach. (_to Mr. Eko, who is standing with them_) We need a doctor.

MR. EKO: I will pray for a doctor.

ELLIOT: I'm a doctor.

MR. EKO: Christ have mercy.

ELLIOT: I'm sorry, OK? I get a little rattled when planes fall on my head and destroy my yacht and leave me stranded on an island with dead people bobbing up and down like whack-a-mole heads. So cut me some _frickin _slack and bring me some sick people and I will try my best to save their lives. Got it?

_She drops to her hands and knees beside the nearest injured person - it's Donald, with the injured leg. Mr. Eko and Ana Lucia stare at her blankly for another moment. Elliot looks up at them. Her eyes flash._

ELLIOT: NOW!

_They obey. Mr. Eko pauses for long enough to assign the two children to the flight attendant._

_We see a montage of people being pulled out of the water, both living and dead. The dead are brought to one side of the beach, the living to where Elliot is working. She has roped a small cadre of the relatively unscathed into acting as field nurses and is barking out orders._

LIBBY: I can help. I did a year of med school.

ELLIOT: Go re-set that man's ankle. Sharp tug. Keep him talking.

LIBBY: Got it.

DONALD: My leg...God, it hurts...

ELLIOT: I've done what I can for the pain. There are others that need me, Donald. I'll be back, okay?

_He nods up at her, through gritted teeth. She moves off, but it becomes clear that she's becoming increasingly frustrated. Ana Lucia and Eko bring her another survivor, moaning and groaning. They lie her on the beach. Elliot examines her and stands up, cursing fluently in German._

ELLIOT: I can't help these people without medicines! What am I meant to give them?

ANA LUCIA: Yeah well I don't remember seeing a multitude of doctors on board, honey, so you're gonna have to make do with what we got.

ELLIOT: _What we got _is tree bark and vines! I'm a doctor, not George of the frickin Jungle! I need my bag!

ANA LUCIA: You have a bag?

ELLIOT: It was on the yacht...before it got bitch-smacked by the ass-half of your jumbo. I think our chances of finding it rank right up there with there being a giant four-toed foot statue down the beach.

_Goodwin chooses that moment to run from the jungle, shouting to Mr. Eko, who is closer. Eko jogs to Ana Lucia and Elliot. _

EKO: Another one alive. Trapped in a tree.

ELLIOT: Stay here. Apply pressure. I'll go.

_She runs into the jungle with Eko, looking over at him as he runs purposefully beside her. _

ELLIOT: (_voice-over_) I didn't know where I was, why I was here, or where I was running to…I only knew one thing: that people needed help. (_pause_) and that whoever he was, he ran like a sack full of spare elbows (_her head tilts downward_) cute butt, though...

_They arrive at the trees. Bernard is suspended from a few branches, still strapped into his chair. _

GOODWIN: He says his name is Bernard.

ELLIOT: Bernard? You're gonna be fine.

BERNARD: (_in shock_)Is he dead? I think he's dead...

_He's referring to a fellow passenger, hanging suspended not a few feet away. The man is very obviously dead. Elliot registers this and seems to swallow back nausea. She forces calm into her voice. We see the branches supporting Bernard began to bend._

ELLIOT: Bernard? Unbuckle your seatbelt - grab the branch next to you.

BERNARD: I don't think I can do that...

ELLIOT: _You unbuckle that seatbelt and grab that branch right now, mister, do you hear me? You do that RIGHT FRICKIN NOW!_

_Bernard is out of the seatbelt and onto the branch before he knows what's happening. The branch previously holding his chair breaks, sending his chair and the dead passenger hurtling to the ground. _

_We pan back to see Mr. Eko and Goodwin staring at Elliot. She feels their gazes and grins in a 'what, me?' way, before returning her attention back to Bernard._

ELLIOT: Climb down slowly, Bernard. The important thing is to stay calm.

_Bernard nods. He begins to climb down, slowly and carefully._

ELLIOT: That's good. One false move and you could be _OH MY BAJINGOIN JESUS!_

_Bernard almost falls from the trunk. He scrabbles for purchase. _

BERNARD: What? What??? What is it???

ELLIOT: I don't believe it...

_We pan outward to see what she sees; suspended from the branch below Bernard is a large bag. A large medical bag._

_Elliot exhales, but her delighted grin slowly fades as she realises the implications. We hear her earlier snippet of conversation with Ana Lucia about the spectacularly long odds of finding the bag...and yet here it is, hanging invitingly above their heads._

ELLIOT: What _is_ this place...?

_As she says it, we see Goodwin staring at her in a distinctly hostile way..._


	14. Chapter 14

Act II, Scene IV

_Close up on an eye, which opens wide and stays wide. We stay on it._

TURK: (_voice-over_) JD?

_We zoom out a little and see that the eye belonged to Turk and the reason it stayed wide – JD is lying beside him, asleep, but way too close for comfort._

TURK: JD...

JD: (_awakening_) Morning, Castaway Chocolate Bear.

_We zoom out again so we can see the other side of Turk._

CARLA: What the hell is he doing here?

JD: It was cold. I thought we were huddling.

_We zoom out again._ _They're in a rudimentary beach shelter. _

TURK: You have your own hut!

JD: (_propping himself up on one shoulder_)It's kinda draughty.

CARLA: GET OUT!

_We cut to JD emerging from the shelter, slightly flustered but immediately the picture of casualness once in the public arena. Dr. Cox walks by and shoots him his usual look of eternal disdain. JD ignores this pointedly and searches for more friendly company, which he finds in the person of Charlie, who's sitting on the sand watching the surf, not too far from Claire._

JD: Where is everyone?

CHARLIE: Jack, Sayid and a few of the others have gone for the transceiver.

JD: Without me?

CHARLIE: _(shooting him a look_) Yeah. I was as surprised as you, mate.

_They watch the waves rolling in for a few moments. Turk emerges from the shelter in a similarly flustered manner as JD did only a few moments ago._

TURK: Hey, JD! Help me out here!

_He ducks back into the makeshift tent and a few seconds later we hear-_

TURK: Ooooh! Aaaah, yeah baby! Mess with the _WARRIOR_!

_He comes back out._

TURK: Did you hear anything?

CHARLIE: Nothing I'd ever, ever repeat.

CARLA: (_out of shot_) Turk, there is no such thing as _SOUNDPROOF FABRIC! MOVE!_

_Turk does a little tap-dance of frustration before dejectedly walking over to JD and Charlie._

CHARLIE: I'm cool with pretending none of that ever happened.

TURK: Probably best.

_We pan over the beach, taking in the morning routines of the remainder of the human life aboard Oceanic Flight 815, as they emerge from their humble huts, cobbled together out of the wreckage, the smouldering remains of some of their former cabin-mates only a few hundred feet down the beach._

JD: (_voice-over_) A mysterious island inhabited by unseen entities defying explanation. A motley crew of survivors, united only in the shrouded secrecy of their past misdeeds. What had brought us here? Chance, or some other agent of fate? Would we unite to survive...or would we fall into chaos, driven apart by base human instinct?

_We cut back at the end of this speech to realise that it's not your usual JD voice-over; he is in fact saying all of this aloud, much to the annoyance of Turk and Charlie._

JD: (_still talking out loud_)In this place where nothing was as it seemed, only thing was for certain-

TURK: -that if you don't quit it with the prophet of doom channelling, I'm gonna be the first one to propose cannibalism and BBQ yo' skinny white ass!

CHARLIE: _Thank_ you.

JD: _(this time in a real voice-over_) Even as I seethed with rage, I couldn't help but wonder what was the secret of this place, and if larger forces were at work here. And if someone was behind it all, then who...?

_Cue JD fantasy flash:_

_A dark fortress, very Barad-Dur in its design, all twisted corridors and scuttling minions of doom going about their grim business. We pause on an incongruously cheery sign affixed to a wall which says – YOU DON'T HAVE TO INFRINGE COPYRIGHT TO EXIST HERE, BUT IT HELPS! _

_Into the central citadel of this place of evil are dragged our heroes – the denizens of Sacred Heart, plus Jack, Sawyer, Sayid, Charlie, Hurley, Kate and Locke. Orc-like minions crowd around them, poking them with spears. _

DR. COX: Hold it together, everyone. This is it. This is the centre of the island. Whoever controls this place, this is where they call home. And by _God _(_he thumps his fist into his palm in an exaggeratedly heroic way as JD watches, adoringly_) we're going to get some answers.

HURLEY: Uh. Are we gonna be, um, tortured?

MINION #1: Ha ha ha! When our Dark Lord is through with you, you won't know the meaning of the word misery!

TED: Care to wager on that?

_Dramatic sound effects ensue. The Orc-like minions cower in fear. _

MINION #1: The Dark Lord approaches!

_A figure dressed all in shadow emerges from the top of an impossibly steep stairway before them, standing before a ridiculously ornate, spiky throne. All we see of his features are glowing red eyes._

DARK LORD: ASK YOUR QUESTIONS OF ME BEFORE YOU PERISH, MORTALS!

CHARLIE: Yeah I got one. Why am I still wearing this bloody costume?

_We see him for the first time properly. He's still wearing the Merry costume from JD's earlier LoTR vision._

DARK LORD: SILENCE!

_As everyone looks on in horror, a lightning bolt reduces Charlie to a pair of smoking shoes. Several packages of white powder fall to the ground also, but no-one seems to notice these. JD is first on the scene, on his knees at Charlie's remains. He gathers them up to his chest and weeps theatrically._

JD: NOOOOOOO!!

DR. COX: (_addressing the Dark Lord_) That the best you got, big guy?

JACK: Perry, no!

DR. COX: Come down here and face me! Show yourself!

DARK LORD: VERY WELL...

_He descends the stairs rapidly, floating a few feet above the ground as he does so. We focus in close on Dr. Cox's face as his enemy approaches. A flicker of recognition begins to grow there._

DR. COX: I should have known. All this time...you _monster..._

DARK LORD: (_voice now sounding quite different_) You didn't think I'd let all those insults go unpunished, did you Perry?

TURK: Who _is _that??

_The figure still has not completely emerged from shadow, but we can see in silhouette that its arms are raising to point up by its sides. And then-_

_-zzzwshooooosh-_

_-each of its hands sprout three blades._

_And the figure steps forward into the light._

JD / HURLEY / TURK: (_thrilled and awestruck_)Wolverine...!

TODD: (_just as thrilled_)Billy!

DR. COX: (_spitting the word with a hatred hotter than a thousand suns_)Jackman.

_Everyone stops to look at the Todd. He notices their glances._

TODD: Dude, this guy _nailed _the Billy Bigelow part from _Carousel_ at Carnegie Hall. I wept.

HUGH JACKMAN: Wow. Thanks. You know I was always very proud of that performance.

_With that, he blows a smoking hole through Todd's chest. The Todd stands upright for a few seconds, long enough to look down and notice the foot-wide gaping maw where most of his vital organs used to reside._

TODD: (_to Turk_) Posthumous double-entendre five?

_Turk obliges with a high-five and Todd crashes to the ground, dead._

TURK: Now that's one hole even the_ Todd _couldn't fill.

_All traces of joviality disappear and he wipes away a tear, abruptly serious and in deep mourning._

TURK: That was for you, man.

_He turns to Hugh Jackman and shapes himself to dive at him. JD and Dr. Cox hold him back as he struggles desperately to escape their clutches. Dr. Cox wrestles him to the ground, where Turk can do nothing but stare up (with ridiculous amounts of tears streaming down his face) at him in rage._

TURK: You _maniac..._you diseased, inhuman _maniac_!

HUGH JACKMAN: All true! I am all of those things! I am versatile; handsome; vaguely metrosexual but still macho; taller and more muscled than I first appear! I am...Hugh Jackman! And this...is _my _island! Behold, your doom!

DR. COX: Not on my flight, mister.

_He rises to his feet_.

HUGH JACKMAN: You don't stand a chance.

DR. COX: Care to wager on that?

_He grabs an unresisting Ted with super-strength and, whirling him like a club, batters Hugh Jackman thirty feet into the nearest wall. Orcs scatter in panic as the rest of our heroes begin to do battle; JD leaps around doing what can only be described as the most effeminate martial arts moves in recorded history. Perhaps this is apple-tini-fu._

_By the time Hugh has extricated himself from the wall, Dr. Cox is standing over him._

HUGH JACKMAN: Why, Perry? Why the hatred?

DR. COX: (_shrugs_) Don't take it personally. I got a lot of hate to give.

_His fist comes toward the camera, and over Hugh Jackman's surprisingly high-pitched scream of terror the world goes black._

_End-of-fantasy flash._

JD: Epic.

_He notices he's sitting alone and looks dejected for a second before spotting Shannon twenty feet or so down the beach. He goes to her and is about to say hello when a man steps across his approach path._

MAN: Oh, I'm sorry. Do excuse me.

JD: No problem. It's a big beach, plenty of room.

MAN: Not for that. For this.

_He produces a handgun, keeping it covered from plain sight with the angle of his body and the positioning of his other hand. Only JD can see it. His eyes bulge in shock._

MAN: You're coming with me.

JD: Where?

MAN: That's the wrong question, I'm afraid.

JD: Who-who are you?

MAN: (_smiling without humour_) Almost. The correct question is: who are _you? _But for now, you'll have to content yourself with calling me Henry. Henry Gale.

_He motions with the gun into the jungle. JD has no choice but to follow him. _


	15. Chapter 15

Act II, Scene V

_Darkness._

_The sound of breathing._

ELLIOTT: I'm warning you! I'm an extremely bad kidnap victim! I'm whiny and when I get scared my voice gets even more nasal then before which, I know, seems unlikely and I talk even _faster _when I get scaredandI'mprettyscaredrightnowohpleasedon'tkillmemyparentsarerich-

_Her hood is removed, allowing her – and us – to see what's going on. She's sitting in a small windowless cell, bound hand and foot to a chair. Mr. Friendly – with full beard – is looking down at her with no small sense of palpable exasperation._

MR. FRIENDLY: Lady, I normally count myself a patient man. But I'm being forced to rethink my opinion of myself, because I'm contemplating killing you right here and now if you don't _shut the hell up _for five _damn _minutes!

ELLIOTT: I don't find that attitude helpful to my feelings of anxiety right now, _thank _you! Now from my surroundings – dank cell, handy chair, your expert use of knots, and the very efficient way you stormed into our camp last night to _abduct_ people, I'm assuming that you've kidnapped people before – don't you think you should have a better grasp of how to calm their nerves?

MR. FRIENDLY: Are you for real?

BEN: She's right.

_Benjamin Linus – or Henry Gale – has appeared at the door. He walks in, tsks disapprovingly at Mr. Friendly, and smiles at Elliott._

MR. FRIENDLY: Who the hell _is_ this?

BEN: You mean you don't know, Tom? This is a very famous girl.

MR. FRIENDLY: (_darkly_) She will be. I'm gonna kill her.

BEN: (_sharply_) That will be _all_, Tom...check on our other guests, will you?

ELLIOTT: There are others?

BEN: (_smiles disarmingly_)Oh, indeed there are Others, my dear. But I want to talk about you. How did you come to be on this island of ours?

_Elliott begins to rat-a-tat-tat out the story to Ben in her usual hundred-words-a-second way. We don't stay with her and Ben, though; instead we follow Tom as he winds his way (still shaking his head) through the underground corridors of this particular Dharma institute base, until he comes to another door to another cell. This one opens to reveal-_

JD: Please! Please, for the love of God, no more! I can't take it!

_He's blindfolded and tied to a chair also. Looming over him is a tall shape, holding two electrically charged prods._

MR. FRIENDLY: I don't remember Ben ordering this.

_The tall shape turns._

JANITOR: Who's Ben?

MR. FRIENDLY: Who are _you?_

JANITOR: Me? Former prisoner. Escaped. Just leaving. One sec - let me get my torture stuff.

_He starts picking things off the floor. Tom watches in disbelief at the collection of objects he's assembling. A dartboard. A sandwich maker. A parasol. He notices something at his feet and bends down for a closer look. He takes it in amazement._

MR. FRIENDLY: What the hell is _this_?

JANITOR: That? Yancy. Stuffed squirrel. This? Sudden ambush.

_With one smooth movement, the parasol comes up and out, catching Mr. Friendly square on the back of the head and knocking him to the floor cold._

JD: We did it! We did it!

JANITOR: We?

JD: You! You! Now untie me.

_The Janitor looks longingly at the electric prods in his hands and at the prostrate JD before him. He sighs with fond regret, before squatting down and freeing JD from his bonds and his blindfold. JD leaps to his feet, all nervous energy._

JANITOR: That was some good acting. Kudos.

JD: _Acting_! You were shocking me for fifteen minutes _before _he showed up!

JANITOR: That's called _method_ acting. Look it up.

JD: (_mutters_) Sure. Let's get the hell out of here.

_They get to the doorway and peer into the dark corridors leading off in both directions._

JD: How did you escape anyway?

JANITOR: (_mysteriously_)Who says I did?

JD: You are so odd. Which way?

JANITOR: What am I, a St. Bernard? How do I know?

JD: Well we can't just hang around here waiting for him to wake up!

JANITOR: We could always...eat him.

JD: What _is_ it with everyone and cannibalism recently? Did I miss a memo?

JANITOR: Sssh!

JD: I hear it too. Something's coming.

JANITOR: Really? I just wanted you to shut up.

_It's audible to us now as well; a faint 'squeak' 'squeak', getting slightly louder with each repetition. The Janitor hefts his parasol with as much menace as he can muster given the object he's holding, but JD's hand pushes it down. Wonder spreads across the young doctor's face._

JD: It can't be...

_And then it emerges from the darkness; a squat, hairy thing, glassy-eyed and unmoving, and yet bearing down upon them with a fixed, undead stare._

JD: ROWDY!

_For JD's beloved, stuffed pooch mounted on wheels it is. As they watch, it turns on its wheels and squeaks off into the darkness ahead._

JD: Rowdy's here to show us the way out! We have to follow!

JANITOR: You are so odd.

_They begin to move off after Rowdy. Something faint carries to them, and the Janitor stops in his tracks. JD notices this after a few steps._

JD: Come on!

JANITOR: I heard something. From behind us.

JD: Exactly! They're coming! We have to move!

JANITOR: It sounded like Blonde Doctor.

JD: Elliott? _Here_? (_he snorts derisively_) You know I knew you had a crush on her, but this...you got it _bad, _my friend.

JANITOR: You go.

JD: Don't be a fool! You can't seriously be abandoning our zombie dog spirit guide because you thought you heard Elliott's voice in a secret underground base on an uncharted island!

JANITOR: It's Blonde Doctor. I have to check.

JD: (_voice-over_) Maybe it was the way he said that. Maybe it was remembering how he'd let himself be dragged to what seemed like certain death to save me. Maybe it was the sudden thought that stuffed animals didn't usually reanimate themselves, and when they did, generally speaking it wasn't to serve the powers of good. But I knew I had to go with him.

JD: OK. Let's go.

_We go back to Elliott and Ben Linus._

ELLIOTT: ...and that's, you know, pretty much the whole story.

BEN: (_slightly dazed looking_)An understatement of staggering proportions.

ELLIOTT: So who _are _you people? What's with this whole Spanish-Inquisition-meets-_The-Prisoner _vibe you guys are going for?

BEN: We own this island.

_To Elliott's horror, he produces a gun and cocks it._

BEN: And you – you, and the rest of your friends from Sacred Heart...you don't belong here.

ELLIOTT: (_weakly_) The _rest _of my friends from...?

BEN: Yes. But not for much longer than you, I'm afraid.

_He aims the gun at her._

ELLIOTT: Oh, _frick_-

-_and with a satisfying cruch, a sandwich toaster sails in perfect slow-motion through the air and impacts with the side of his head, sending his bullet wide of its target and sending Ben Linus crashing against the nearby wall, unconscious before he hits the ground._

JD: OK, you can say it.

JANITOR: He's toast.

JD: He insisted.

_Without further ado he rushes forward and embraces Elliott fiercely. The Janitor holds his stuffed squirrel up to the side of his head like a glove puppet and regards the prone body of Ben Linus._

JANITOR: See that, Yancy? That's the perils of evil for you.

ELLIOTT: (_as JD unties her, looking at the Janitor_) Is he concussed?

JD: You're kidding, right?

_A squeaking noise comes from the door. It's Rowdy. JD holds up an apologetic hand._

JD: We're coming.

ELLIOTT: Ignoring the moving stuffed dog for a moment, _where_ exactly are we going?

JD: Back to the beach with the other survivors. And along the way we _will _be discussing how you managed to get here, of all places.

JANITOR: Ready?

_They look up at him. He's carrying Ben Linus slung over his back with no apparent effort._

JANITOR: Yancy's idea. Thinks we might be able to interrogate him.

JD: I like the way he thinks.

_They take off down the corridor, swallowed up by the darkness._


	16. Shameless Plug!

Hi all!

Sorry as this isn't a long-delayed (!) new chapter or even an announcement of a sequel.

I've spent the last year or so writing a trilogy of urban fantasy novels and the first one was released on Thursday 10th May. It's called "Folk'd" (pun intended), and it's available on Amazon Kindle and Apple iBooks. If you search for Folk'd or Laurence Donaghy on Amazon or iBooks it should come up (I can't post links through this or will get very angry with me, whimper).

Anyway, the synopsis for Folk'd goes like this:

Meet Danny Morrigan. Callcentre worker. Young father. Danny's not entirely happy with his life. He finds himself tortured by the "what ifs", and by one in particular – what if his casual girlfriend hadn't told him she was pregnant before he finished his university degree? What if, out of some sense of decency and not wanting to be like his own father, he hadn't "done the right thing" and dropped out to support her and the baby?

When Danny comes home from work after a particularly bad day to find his girlfriend and baby son have vanished, Marie Celeste like, into thin air, it begins a series of events that quickly moves beyond a simple missing persons case. Danny begins to uncover the Morrigan family's real purpose in this world, a world of lurking danger and concealed horror, where the line between mythology and reality blur. Before he knows it he's living another life where (seemingly) he has everything he ever wanted…a good job, no responsibilities…but what is the cause of this change? Where have his family gone? Why doesn't anyone remember his old life?

And most importantly, does he want it back?

Folk'd interweaves a very modern tale of unexpected parenthood and responsibility set in contemporary Belfast with ancient Irish mythology and the supernatural. In Folk'd and its sequels, Folk'd Up Beyond All Recognition and Completely Folk'd, we are taken on a humorous, sometimes horrifying, always enthralling journey from modern-day Belfast to prehistory as the full and tragic tale of the Morrigan family is told.

So I just thought you might want to check it out - it's only £2.99 but I promise there are laughs and scares aplenty, plus mention in any reviews you might care to leave and you get a free frogurt!*

*as long as you live in Belfast, Northern Ireland and are within walking distance of a frogurt shop. Terms and conditions apply.

Thanks!


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